Jerome Kugan

Demo Diary: "The King Of Rats"

2011-09-22T04:23:00.000-07:00

City Of Mud (under construction) by jeromekugan

After spending the past three years working, living, wrestling with demons and hanging out with angels, I found a bit of time to write songs for a second album. In the past 3 years, I sketched out over 50 songs, all the time thinking about my musical direction.

Working on the first album with Hardesh Singh and Ariff Abu Bakar was an amazing experience and taught me a lot about arranging, recording, and producing. But I've also been interested for a long time handling production duties on my own songs. But I've never been truly confident about my technical abilities. I'm a very clumsy and simple musician. Lol.

Anyway.

I worked up enough courage to start recording in June. And I've inadvertently managed to slip into the next phase of making the second album: doing the demos. The demos force me to work on arranging the songs, a process which I've come to dread because it can suck you into a vortex of omg.

This song, "The King Of Rats" is one of the new recordings. I did it at home on my simple recorder. It's basically me and guitar with some free drum samples. It's still unfinished, unmixed and very raw warts and all and it's basically a one-take thing. So there's a lot of stuff still missing. Which is probably why I put reverb and delay over everything. Ha ha ha. But I just wanted to share my excitement with the process.

The song is about a dream I once had about meeting the king of rats in KL. He was very dashing, but lived in abject squalor -- a bit like how many of us live in this city.

It's part of a work-in-progress that will eventually become my second album, which will be about KL.

I'll be putting up little demos and mixes as I figure out how to shape it towards a 2012 deadline. Fingers crossed.

It's a gig!

2011-09-15T16:19:00.000-07:00

Elvira Arul, Edwin Sumun and I will be doing a tribute gig to the Bacharach songbook on Tue 20 and Wed 21 September at No Black Tie, 17 Jalan Mesui, Off Jalan Nagasari, Bukit Bintang, KL. Admission RM40.

RSVP here on Facebook.

:-)

Set Adrift, a novel by

2011-08-15T17:46:00.000-07:00

I should've been a confessional novelist living in some seedy city like Amsterdam or Berlin. Or Sao Paolo... or Istanbul... or Guangzhou... if only I'd continued partying the way I did when I was in my 20s in a less conservative city, I imagine I would've been published by Penguin by now. :-p

Of course, such revelations don't just happen for no reason. They happen because I turned 36 two months ago. And that's a pretty fun milestone... because I'm half Chinese, it means that I've completed a full cycle of the 12 year animal zodiac. This year is the year of the Wooden Rabbit, the sign I'm born under. So yeah, I've made it this far. And I should have attained some kind of wisdom.

Woohoo. If only...

I ate rabbit meat about a month ago. Is that wrong?

Anyway...

The night I turned 36, I went to see a friend perform in a nice hall. I invited an ex to join me, paid for his ticket and all. In hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have done that. I thought at the time it was a nice gesture, seeing that we were on the mend, slowly getting back on speaking terms since we broke up. [Well, "broke up" may be a bit of an exaggeration on my part. I don't think he considered what we had a relationship that could be broken, maybe more of a casual thing.

Still, until now he continues to give me mixed signals... I mean, I took a photo of him in my room when he came over for a visit earlier this year. The photos turned out nice so I sent a few to him. The next thing I knew he posted it up as his profile photo not just on Facebook but on some gay hookup site. What's up with that? (imagine me raising my voice dramatically) Doesn't he have any other photos of himself? He even has nude shots of himself shot by some other trick he's in love with. Why doesn't he use those photos instead? I'm not that good a photographer! And then there was also that peck on the lips in front of the guardhouse at my condo! I don't mind PDA but he hasn't kissed me in two years! What gives yo? (imagine me pulling on my hair tuft)]

Anyway, I'm not sure why, but maybe it's because I bugged him after the show [he doesn't like being bugged--in a way, I can understand cause I hate being bugged myself], he doesn't speak to me anymore. But I only bugged him because he said he was going to take me out for birthday dinner... ha ha ha... and oh yeah, he called once me asking if he could redirect a query from a foreign journalist about the Bersih protest to me... I also noticed that he posted a poem I wrote about him on his Facebook wall a couple of weeks back--why? Ha ha ha... he's so going to find out that I've been stalking him online if he reads this... how pathetic right? LOL.

About a week ago, I sat down in front of this very computer and deleted all the emails and chats we ever sent to each other. I was still holding onto them for nostalgia's sake. I mean I still love him but thinking about him is kinda fucking me up. I've been like a wind-up toy monkey rattling out the same old tragic tune. It's time to stop living life on Facebook, Jerome... ha ha ha... time to move on and obsess about someone else. LOL.

Two weeks prior to turning 36, the secret job I had been working on as a lyricist for six months disappeared. Poof! The day that my participation in the project was announced to the media in a fancy press conference was the same day that I was asked to leave... basically fired by the guy who hired me... kind of ironic and a tad sad. But it's old news now [and should've rightly taken precedence over the non-news about the ex, but I'm a strange person with a strange sense of priority].

And to be perfectly honest, I grew to resent the job because of some of the circumstances surrounding its battered evolution, not to mention having to work with the terrible director who is, as I'm writing this, allegedly steering the project to disaster. But that's rather mean of me to say. And really since I'm not involved in it anymore, I shouldn't poo it. LOL. No names! It's a small town after all... and the walls are thin. Anyway, I wish everyone who's involved in that project all the best.

Did I just pull the other one? Oh... I am getting better at this...

So, joblessness has become my lot. Not that I'm not enjoying it. In fact, I'm such a natural slacker that since joining the mighty ranks of the unemployed, I've managed to read five novels, watch all four seasons of Big Bang Theory, almost all of David Attenborough comedies (comedies? WTF? since when did Sir David started making jokes about nature? -- i meant to type documentaries...), most of this year's summer movies (including , and even start recording the damned second album... plus playing around with a few of the MIDI tracks that I've lost the original files to a few years back.

You would think that with all that free time, I would've updated this blog more regularly. But life doesn't work that way... no sir.

Demos... yes.

So far, four new songs... it's a snail-paced process plagued with procrastination, slackery and good old-fashioned lazy bumn-ess. I've played them to some close friends who commented politely with encouragements. But I'm always doubtful. I always think the worst and best. I have to. It's because I take it very seriously. I mean, it's not like I'm Yuna and be content with putting out bilge. I have to strive for earth-shattering emo greatness. It's all part of the process... egos must be managed, built up and dumped on -- I blame it all on Sylvia Plath... I can't be mediocre, I can't be mainstream, I have to be like some windswept troubadour singing laments to the universe, thrusting some kind of bitter magic into outer space, vibrating my vibrato with Ginsbergian excess, making everyone cry and feel like shit like Bukowski, scaring little kids and pets, scarring them for life, like Sepultura meets Suzanne Vega... heh... I happen to like Yuna though, she's nice... oh dear... what's happening to my sincerity?

Trust in the process, Jerome, trust in the process...

And maybe because of the process, my writing has slowed down. I haven't written anything new for a while now... maybe my brain is just not in it. Come to think of it, I've been having a strange relationship with the process of writing for the past few months. Maybe I'm depressed. Not aggressively depressed mind you. But more like feeling like a sad little abandoned waterjug in a dim corner of the kitchen, talking to spiders that ignore me.

Wow, that's pretty sad no?

LOL.

But life's far from terrible.

Two weeks ago, I got a little part time job in a friend's PR company writing press releases. It's not the most exciting thing in the world, but it pays well and leaves me tons of time to be the sad slacker that I am. Sigh.

Maybe I'm not cut out to be a high flyer after all. I've always had bad lungs... I could never run far and fast. If there was a fire in this building right now, I'd probably perish in the smoke... with a cigarette in my hand. Ha ha...

Start over? There were two instances in my life when I moved away to a different city and became someone new. Starting over is never easy. You have to leave so much behind. And being the domestic creature that I am, it takes a lot out of me. But I've been feeling like doing it one last time. In a way, the second album is an excuse to stay, and maybe that's why it's taking me so long to get it done. But I know that when I finish this second album, that'd be it. That'd be as much as I can give to KL and then I'll have to leave or succumb to entropy, doomed to live some kind of unfulfilled lonelier-than-now existence out in quiet old suburbia engaged in mindless drudgery.

Yep... I should start saving up money to buy that one-way ticket.

In the meantime, I'm looking forward to hearing Bjork's and Feist's new albums. So far this year, I've only really enjoyed listening to Joan As Police Woman's "The Deep Field". Bon Iver and Fleet Foxes were nice... but I need to listen to something sexier but still emo.

Emo is the way to the future.

By the way, I've erased most of the original demos from my Soundcloud page. Why? Because I want to induce collective amnesia.

And also to make space for new stuff... so watch that space!

... maybe I should move this whole thing to tumblr ...

Idle Hand?

2011-06-06T10:46:00.000-07:00

Hey ho. As is typical of me, I fail to update this blog regularly. Things happen and whizz past me like blurry figures in a photograph and yet there is much to tell. Although some of it must be done so with a gagged mouth.

Basically I've gone into hiding because I've been involved in a secret musical project which I cannot mention because I've been asked not to disclose the fact that I'm currently involved in a secret musical project about which I must keep mum at all cost, or else risk punishment from the PR department of the company that currently engages me.

Because I cannot divulge any salacious information about the abovementioned project, I must divert your attention to other activities that I've been involved in, or probably will appear in, or maybe these are parallel realities that could be... clouds in my coffee.

My absences... and rare sightings... so rare in fact that I have to tell you about it. LOL.

I haven't been performing much but I did perform at FEYST 2011, organised by Go Group (which is headed by Jasmine Low, one of my most favourite people in KL). It was held over a coupla days in early May at Pavilion KL featuring tons of local bands and invited Swedish folky duo The Harvest (check out their website). Alas, I didn't play the outdoor venue at Pav but at No Black Tie on Monday 9 May together with The Harvest (who are really cool - I got their EP which I love), Reza Salleh, Zalila Lee, Izzy Mohamed, Liyana Fizi, Bo "Bedroom Sanctuary" Amir Iqram, and newcomer Dzamira (who has a sexy husky voice like Fiona Apple). Though I only played 3 songs, the gig terrified me cause I haven't played in a while. But it was nice... as usual, it was only me and the guitar. Liyana came up onstage to join me to sing "Pulau Dendam", which was fun... and to end the night, everyone got up onstage to sing our rather strange untitled collabo... LOL. It wasn't that great I have to admit but we had fun. :-)

The gig was recorded and there are plans to release it. Will keep you posted. :-p

In April, I read a bit... to help promote "Readings By Readings" an anthology of new works (edited by Bernice Chauly and Sharon Bakar) by writers who have previously featured at Readings@Seksan Gallery. I had missed out on the big official launch at MAP@Solaris Dutamas, so I felt obliged to help out at the No Black Tie reading. I read the three poems of mine that were featured in the anthology, along with some candid anecdotes which should not be repeated here because I'm exclusive that way.

I also missed out on the launch of an anthology of German-Malaysian literature... which contains a poem of mine. It's somewhere out there.... I don't even have a copy myself.

More on the poetry front: I found out just the other day that an extract of one of my poems will be set in granite on a sidewalk near a building in KL. I won't spoil the surprise because it will be announced later... look out for it.

I've also been busy writing songs... for a film project by a friend. Again, I shouldn't say much... because it would spoil the surprise. All I can say is that it's a series of ten short films... each short film will feature a song by yours truly. So far I've contributed about four songs, including "I Like" from the first album. The rest of the songs will be new... I'm so tempted to upload them onto my Soundcloud page but that would really truly spoil the surprise. What can I say? Some things in life you just have to wait for.

Do I have anything at all to show for the silence? Well, I've been uploading old tracks from my archive... of old tracks.

Collaborations by jeromekugan

These are a small selection of collaborations, plus one remix, that I've done in the past few years, with Spacebar aka Irman Hilmi who used to be my colleague while I was working at KLue, with Paul Agusta (aka Concrete Aluminium), with Alien Headspace aka Paul Bambury, and a remix of "A Shadow" by Ergo Phizmiz.

Truth be told, I shoulda done more... but I'm a mouse when it comes to collaborations. I've decided that I'm easily intimidated by the confidently talented.

There are some other tracks floating out there that I'd love to upload and just share. In good time.

In other news, I'd been in and out of mourning, read a few books, watched a few movies, went out on a date that didn't really go anywhere, got new flatmates, bought a new pair of shoes, got lots of hugs, met a cute guy from Canada who wanted to ask me about art. I'd also been reconciling with an ex - yes, there are lingering feelings... old dreams appearing... romantic fool that I am.

And then there's a cute guy in Sydney who's keeping a moustache for me. I feel blessed. :-)

"All The Lovers" (Kylie Minogue cover) on Soundcloud

2011-04-03T04:03:00.000-07:00

The other day I bought a digital multitrack recorder so I can start recording at home. I work on music at a moody pace and like the idea of doing things DIY. Recording quality is an issue. But I can't afford it... frankly speaking. So I'm just going cheap and lo-fi. Expect the new album to sound rougher.

I recorded my first song on the recorder. An acid folk cover of a Kylie's song. She's touring right now and I know a friend who is very excited about it.

This is for all the lovers out there.

Jerome - All The Lovers (Kylie Minogue cover) by jeromekugan

Gordon Freddy Boyong, RIP

2011-03-17T02:17:00.000-07:00

Gordon Freddy Boyong always scolded me for not writing about him. But then again he possessed all the classic symptoms of middle-child syndrome. If was as though there could never be enough attention in the world for him. But he was also a walking contradiction. He shirked from the public light. He hated it when people made a fuss over him. Gordon prized his privacy and independence above all. And because of that he was not the easiest man to get to know.

We've known each other since 1988, back in our hometown Kota Kinabalu. We met sometime during the first week of high school. There was something interesting about him, I thought. Somehow we gravitated towards one another and started talking. Almost immediately we found we shared many mutual interests, one of which was our fascination with pop singers: he adored Madonna, and I Tina Turner; we both liked Whitney Houston. That first year, we studied in the same class. We sat apart in classroom but always inevitably hung out during recess and any free period. We swapped cassettes, exchanged copies of Smash Hits, talked about so-and-so's music videos, gossiped about certain Hollywood movie and TV actors that we fancied, and tried our best to ignore everyone else. We also both disliked sports.

Gordon was a wonderful jester. He was sharp, sardonic, witty. He would often spin the most implausible stories about himself: including the one about the miraculous tiramisu recipe which his grandmother had passed on to him at her deathbed, or about his exotic lineage which included scandinavian extraction, or strangely morbid fantasies about how he'd wish for his corpse to be discovered a la strangled tranny with smeared lipstick, legs akimbo and scattered pearls on the floor (but with noir touches, e.g. flashing hotel neon sign outside the window). You'd have to play along with the mindgame for a while, knowing full well you're being taken for a ride, because you want to see him flash that naughty smile at the end of his bogus fantasies: that he got you.

We also talked about other things: family troubles, high school crushes, yo-yo-ing grades, our hopes and dreams for the future--which included writing songs for Madonna and directing her music videos, styling her shoots, and other sorts of stupidities. He was my ultimate confidante. And I'd like to believe that I was his.

Still, Gordon was not an outwardly emotional person. Even in high school, he had already developed a haughty temperament. I learned early on how he would never admit defeat in an argument. He would much prefer to end the discussion by reiterating his opinion, closing the door on anyone who tried to have a "dialogue" with him. Gordon didn't like dialogues very much. It was his way of the world that mattered, because he knew the secret that lied behind the facade of everything. Nothing pleased him more than having friends and foes, after a time, acknowledging that he had been "right" after all. And he was right most of the time.

I've had many arguments with Gordon over the years. The first big argument we had resulted in a cold war that lasted about half a year. And there were others of comparable intensity. During these cold wars, we would maintain radio silence until one of us caved in and made the call. Because, despite being the occasional cold bitch, I knew he felt deeply and that's a rare thing. Spending all that time with him taught me how to see through the superficialities of life. There was something about the way he considered other people and situations. He was an astute judge of the real undercurrents of human emotions and intuitively recognised what others would fail to notice. I treasured that aspect of him, his frankness of what is, and his imagination of what could be. In him I found a friend for life.

After high school, we drifted apart for a few years. I followed my dream to Australia and back to KK. He went to study engineering in Kuching (and failed), returned to KK. In KK again, briefly, we spent time as young adults ready to embrace our second wind and conquer the world. I went back to Australia again before deciding to move to KL, while he decided to become a chef and study in Switzerland, spending a few years cooking all over Europe. We lost contact for six years. Then, sometime in 2006, I got a call from him. He was coming back. He moved to KL and started work at La Bodega Bangsar as a chef. Later on, he would become the outlet manager of Espressamente Illy at Pavilion, and then eventually move to manage the branch in Bangsar Village.

After Europe, Gordon was a changed man. His adventures on the continent, which he would recount to me in salacious detail, had removed some of the sharper edges of his personality. Yet his sense of humour was retained and deepened. He saw the dark comedy of life unfold before him in everything. While I appreciated this change was necessary, I felt that somehow he was gradually withdrawing into himself. I knew that moving to KL was a sort of defeat. He had sustained more than a few blows to his ego following his retreat from Europe. But I could also see his resolve. He was gathering strength for a personal battle within himself. Within the insular world he built for himself, he struggled to resolve a conflict between what he had become and what he could still change into. The man was no longer an adolescent fantasist and I could imagine how difficult it must have been for him to face the damnation of reality. I know because the same struggle was happening inside me. Again we found each other in more or less the same boat. So we each of us picked up an oar and started rowing.

We would meet up once every fortnight or every month, depending on how busy our schedules were, to have dinner or lunch, sharing our life stories, daily dramas, personal triumphs, talking about Madonna's latest facelifts, dreading the aging process, discussing our hopes and dreams. And despite our conjoined bravado, we knew somehow reality would overcome fantasy, and that sometime in the future our lives would resemble the "everyone else" normality that we loathed with a vengeance. Though the prospect of it made us both shudder, at least we took comfort in the knowledge that one way or another we would be there for each other: two old friends bitching about the life that passed us by. But what does it matter when we have jugs of sangria and endless packs of cigarettes, whiling away our nights in bourgeois Bangsar of all places? He was my shrink. I was his. He was my rival. As was I to him. We were the best of friends, and sometimes worse than enemies. We understood each other. And we both understood the value of it. It's not an understanding that happens in a day. It's something that had taken us years to build: 22 years I knew the man... give or take... now he's moved beyond my knowing.

This morning I got a call from Gordon's sister saying that he had passed away yesterday. I've visited him twice at the hospital with Nabila. I knew he was battling a serious illness and thought he was recovering well. I made him clear chicken ginger broth, something that he had talked about in our many conversations in the past. I was planning to meet up with him for dinner sometime in April when he would be back on his feet again and resuming our tumultuously wonderful friendship. He had been talking about moving to Paris or back to KK. His body is being cremated and his ashes will be flown home. I guess he made his choice.

It's shocking news. I still don't really know how to feel about it. My best friend is gone. I haven't cried yet. It's hard. Over the years, I've lost a few close friends -- Toni Kasim, Benjamin McKay, Caecar Chong. With every death, I feel ripped apart. Only last year Benjamin departed and I still miss him dearly. Now, it's Gordon. My beautiful, amazing, wonderful friend Gordon. He would hate me saying all this emo crap, especially posting it up online for everyone to see. He always said I was the sappier, weaker one, too eager to love, too needy for affirmation. He's right of course. But that's where we differed, Gordon and I. And that difference meant the world to me: to have known someone so similar and yet so different, it can only happen once in a lifetime.

I miss you Gordon. Until we meet again.

Covering Robyn's "With Every Heartbeat" on YouTube

2010-10-29T06:29:00.000-07:00

Recently bought a camera and been playing around with it. Shooting people and things... decided to try out the video recording function today at home (since I got the day off from work) and recorded a vid of myself performing a cover of Robyn's "With Every Heartbeat". Found the tabs for the song online and, just as I thought, it only has a few chords, three in fact, but I reduced it further down to two. LOL. The original version is amazing... love the song. And very excited from listening to Robyn's latest albums. Looking forward to her Body Talk album in its final incarnation. I love the string version of the song "Indestructible" from Body Talk 2. Emocool.

Anyway, here's the video for my version of "With Every Heartbeat". Hope it's OK.

The Search for, or more accurately, the Imposition of Meaning, upon Life... and other news

2010-09-28T14:04:00.000-07:00

It's almost four in the morning and just got off the phone talking with an acquaintance who's having some problems in her life. Problems... we all have problems... sometimes I think that no matter how optimistic and positive we try to be, problems/obstacles/issues/dilemmas/crap just deluge upon us like a big Judy Garland numbers. We try, we try. Mustn't give up though. Life has many a tricky ways of distracting us from reaching our goals and distancing us from our ideals and principles. Everyday I keep on wondering where I'm supposed to get my next supply of patience and willpower from. What a quandary, hey? Well, if what they say about quantum physics is true and that we're all connected on some subatomic level, then the sun and the moon and the stars will be my guide. Nature, y'know, in all its stinking glorious catastrophe (as Slavoj Zizek said it in Examined Life -- God how I love the way pretentious thinkers state the way things are -- the search for meaning, or more accurately the imposition of meaning upon life, continues).

In other news... lol... I have decided to change my SoundCloud site name from chrysostom to my boring old name... so as to stop confusing people. Thus it is now http://www.soundcloud.com/jeromekugan

Covers by jeromekugan

Just for trivia's sake, the most played cover is "Love Song" by The Cure and the most played original is "Someone (for Qasim)". Thank God there are other emo people out there. If not, I would've been out of business a looooong time ago.

Anyways... I noticed that I've slowed down with the songwriting in the past 3 months -- there was a time I thought I'd be churning out the songs non-stop until 2012. But I think the foam of inspiration that buoyed me in the past 2 years has sort of melted and now I'm just sitting on the floor contemplating it all. Had a couple of interesting life experiences. Two relationships that went nowhere but taught me a lot about how expectations can change people's behaviour so fast, myself included. Also means... that I must move on to the next part of the musical process... record the fucken second album. Frankly... I don't know what it would be for except for self-gratification. Eh... maybe it'd be fun too... it's been a while since I've done some musical arranging. Always a lot of fun tinkling around with sounds.

In case anyone was wondering... I have been very busy with work at the gallery.

I've also been busy with other things -- performed a few small gigs... some of them a bit annoying, mostly because I haven't had ample time and headspace to practise fully some of the new songs I've been trying out onstage, and also because of noisy crowds. It does annoy me... especially when the new songs are kinda quiet and wordy... (Jeez, aren't I pretentious?). Whatever it is, I hate performing in bars. Bar crowds are like hell for musicians. I really can't give two flying pigs' arses about bar patrons anymore. I'd rather perform in a morgue, although I did come close -- my dearest dearest friend Benjamin McKay passed away and I was asked to sing at his funeral -- I sang Ben an acapella version of "Everytime We Say Goodbye", one of my favourite Cole Porter songs. I hope you liked it Ben. Miss you.

I also acted for the first time. KLPAC's transgender production of "Waiting For Godot" (actually on the day of Ben's death I started rehearsal). Directed by Kimmy Kiew, featuring Yuki Choe, Fairuz Tauhid and myself. It was a small production and I enjoyed doing something aside from singing onstage. I wore a blue dress (the things I do for art). Aside from some sweet compliments, I have to say I feel like I'm officially a whore now -- I can just imagine people saying: "That midget -- he thinks he can do anything..." which is not at all true... I can't swim... and I'm totally hopeless with hula hoop-ing. Lol. I am an angel of sweet menace.

In two weeks time I'll be producing/directing my second Rainbow Massacre concert, as part of our third year of doing Seksualiti Merdeka. I'm very excited about it. Also trepidated. Fingers crossed everything will go according to plan! :-D

Hmm... I guess that's about it really.

I wrote a few poems. Some were lost when my hard drive died on me a couple of weeks ago. But three I managed to put up on my Facebook notes before the inevitable happened. "The City Is Crying (for Ben)", "The New Palace" and "Silent Storm" are on my Imaginary Poem blog.

Upcoming gig - Blue Wednesday#6 featuring JK and Tenderfist

2010-04-29T01:33:00.000-07:00

Yep. After not performing for a few months now, I've slotted my ass into the lineup of the sixth installment of Blue Wednesday, a series of gigs I organise at The Annexe Gallery where I work. There's definitely nepotism involved. I've also been itching to play some of the new material I put up on my Soundcloud page, especially some of the covers.

BLUE WEDNESDAY 6
Date: 5 May 2010
Time: 8.30pm
Venue: The Annexe Gallery, Central Market Annexe, KL

Also appearing in Blue Wednesday is the delightful local indie synthpoppy band Tenderfist. I've seen them twice live now. A very cool band that's a must-watch, with sparkling dance-y songs.

You can RSVP to the event on Facebook. Click here: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=113154858715042&ref=ts

New Year, The Weekend Sessions & Farewell to a Friend

2010-02-19T05:48:00.000-08:00

Hi folks, Happy (belated) New Year! I haven't updated this blog in a while. But it's OK... you guys don't read it anyway. LOL. Just kidding. I've been busy mostly with work at the gallery and life outside the gallery... life that oily substance... just when you think you've got a good grip on it, it salmons its way out of your hands.

Good news is I've also been busy writing new songs. None of which will ever see the light of day unless I accidentally flip into a bottomless puddle of moooooolah this very instant. Oui. The frustrations of independent music making. Of course, I shouldn't blame it entirely on poverty. It's also my finicky nature. "Should I?" "Should I not?" At the moment, I'm pretty much content to just record home demos on my Zoom H2 and putting them on my iPod and listening to them all the time while I'm out and about.

But I have been performing. Here and there... thanks to Esam Salleh (aka Slowjaxx) and Ethaya (of Cloth &Clef) for inviting me to play at the mega-gig that was Disko Papan versus Clef Tunes last month. They apologised for the sound pollution coming from downstairs during my gig... at one point, I couldn't hear myself. But on with the show... you know...

I also performed for The Wknd Sessions. Thanks to Fikri Fadzil for inviting me onto the show... even though I did wage a six-month passive aggressive campaign to get onto the show. Just ask his brother Fahmi... heh heh heh. No sweat, no gain, I say!

I performed four songs - "I Like" and "Tomas" from the album, plus new songs "Goliath" and "Let You Go" (but they only put up two of the vids, for "Tomas" and "Let You Go"- for the show, plus a little interview with cute little Azza Yusof, who used to intern for Junk while I was editor at KLue. To the haters who think Azza's a bad host, you guys need to loosen up!

Anyway, to see videos of the performances and interview, go to http://www.the-wknd.com/sessions/22-jerome-kugan/

What you think of the emo haircut and extra-thick glasses? Dorrrrky or not?

Now, on a more sombre note... I would like to extend my deepest and sincerest condolences to all who knew and loved the talented and beautiful Caecar Chong who passed away yesterday morning after battling cancer for the past two and a half months. I knew Caecar since 2002 when he started up Space Spirit Studio with Philip Leong. Used to attend some of Lee Kwang's early gigs there. It was fun hanging out with KL's underground music freaks back then. Subsequently I knew him as he grew to become an amazing dancer with Nyoba Kan. He always very zen and had the best hairstyles! I really envied his sense of grace and style... ah but it was because I admired and regarded him as a wonderful artist and human being. I also had a huge crush on him... and he understood my stupid sense of humour. LOL.

I will miss you my friend.

I wrote a poem last night after I came back from his wake. To honour Caecar's memory. It's called "Last Dance (for Caecar)". You can read it here.

JK + Shahril Nizam stall @ Art For Grabs this weekend

2009-12-08T08:52:00.000-08:00

My good friend Shahril Nizam and I will have a stall at Art For Grabs this weekend 12 & 13 December, 11am to 8pm, at The Annexe Gallery, selling art, poetry and music for under RM100 per item.

Please come by and say hello and check our stuff out. There's also tons of other people selling arty and crafty stuff. :-)

This strange-looking flower you see here is one of the watercolour paintings I'll be selling. A friend says it looks like an elaborate vagina. I'm not really sure about that...

RSVP to this event on Facebook.

New Songs

2009-11-26T10:35:00.000-08:00

I've written quite a few songs this year. Quite a productive year now that I think of it, even though I haven't really put out that much new stuff. I've actually finished writing the basic songs I'm planning to put in the second album since the early half of this year. But recording will only probably begin in the new year. I'm still figuring out how to record it. Maybe it's time to finally build that home recording studio like I've been threatening to do all these years.

Still, I've continued writing songs and now I have roughly enough songs to fill two albums and more.

And now I'm writing material for a third album that I'm sort of thinking about.

So far, I've made a few home demo recordings of the latest bunch of songs and been listening to them on my iPod. Sometimes I play them on the sound system at the gallery where I work when it's empty. I must say they're kind of morose. Most of the new songs are about kinda cliched stuff about losing at love, or feeling disenchanted by everything, bla bla bla.... but it's all part of the cathartic process.

I played a few of them during the No Black Tie gig the other week. I'm still not very confident playing the new stuff onstage. Mostly due to my poor ability to memorise the lyrics and chords... it'll take me another year to really get inside the songs. But a few have come to be favourites of mine... and I'll most probably include these in my repertoire. Two especially, called "Goliath" and "Mystery Boy". I quite like these two.

"Goliath" is based on the David versus Goliath story in the Bible, and it's written from David's point of view. It's about surrendering to one's instincts regadless of the consequences.

And "Mystery Boy" is inspired by an experience I had with someone I met last year. I wrote a poem for him and about him called "Mystery Boy" and he liked it. But things kind of ended badly and the song is the aftermath of it - all these strange and confusing feelings that welled up inside.

So, anyway, the one strange thing about the new songs is that I don't strum on most of them. They're mostly plucked. I'm not exactly sure what that means.... but maybe it's leading the songs into a more intimate direction.

I've thought about just recording them as they are, just me and guitar. But I don't know yet...

One of the exciting things about songwriting and making music is figuring what should go where. At the moment, I'm still in the sketching stage. And when I'm not sketching, I'm thinking and dreaming.

Music Snob Journal#5: Favourite Albums of 2009... and then some

2009-11-24T12:42:00.000-08:00

Originally I wanted to name only 10 of my favourite albums from 2009, but then I thought about it and... well... fuck it... who cares if there's 10 or 12 or 25 or 74... any number would've been arbitrary... as if 10 has any special significance. Pfft...

Anyway... these are albums that released in 2009 that I think are mucho fantastico. Granted, not all of them are "fireworks extravaganza" kind of albums. But I loved listening to them all... some made me feel jubilant, some threw me into a ditch of glitter-sprinkled mud, and some creeped me out... in a good way.

Yes, the albums I chose are kinda predictable. But I can't help it... I am drawn to certain musicians and certain music.

And... alas... even though I wasn't planning on it... I ended up choosing 10 albums... LOL...
A drum roll please...

*

JEROME'S TOP TEN FAVE ALBUMS OF 2009
Animal Collective – Merriweather Post Pavilion

First time I heard Animal Collective was in 2007 when I was still living in my old place in Brickfields. It was their Sung Tongs album which I'm very fond of. "Leaf House" from that album is just a crazy song. It's an amazing piece of work, and not so much because of the technique but the spirit and the aesthetics of it. I had no idea what they were singing about because it was jumbled up... and somehow the clarity of words is not really the point with AC. To me, their sound is like sonic lasagna that's alive, with its layers actively melting into one another. And I love that quality about their music. It's the madness in the method, the post-neo-hippie-ness of it all. But I'm not a hardcore fan. I liked the Feels album, but not so much Strawberry Jam which evoked for me an overpowering stench of psychedelia rock... I mean I don't mind Captain Beefheart but we've been down that road before. Hmm... but anyway, along came Merriweather Post Pavilion... which for me, is AC's masterwork. And I know why. This album is just overflowing with joy. The songs are unabashed. The spirits soar. Clapping hands punch the clouds. It's like September 11 never happened. Which is why this album is amazing. Because 9/11 did happen. And where so many of so-called important statement bands like Radiohead and Portishead draw their best work from the confusion of what I call the eternal recession, AC just decided to attack that darkness with this visceral album of tribal rave. It just sounds so alive and unfettered, a big fat raspberry to all those boring hipsters who just sit and stare at the party like Fuck Buttons just died. But this music is not pop. And it's far from AC's more experimental stuff. It's closest probably to Panda Bear's Person Pitch album, just faster and with beats. And it's so gratifying to listen to a band that I worship hesitantly come up with such a bold and sweeping statement... that just invites you to jump and throw paint around the place, wear feathers in your hair, make funny hand waving gestures... love love love, especially on the track "My Girls" which is my favourite song of 2009. What an album!

*

Grizzly Bear - Veckatimest

It's no secret that I have a major musical crush on Grizzly Bear. Their second album Yellow House was a beautiful paean to majestic hush, full of swoon and creaking furniture. So I was really looking forward to their second album, which doesn't disappoint. I still don't understand what Veckatimest means... I'm not sure if it's meant to carry any meaning or just one of those made-up words. I'm sure Google has the answer. Veckatimest is different to Yellow House, just as Yellow House was different to their debut Horn Of Plenty. If anything, V is less washy than YH, busier, more percussive, a bit more muscular, and has something to prove... whereas YH was content to be amorphous and shadowy. But V is also more song-based than YH... and the standout track "Two Weeks" is just amazing, all pop cliches put through and yet it works. I've yet to wear out this album because it is as intricately arranged and produced, just as YH was. Everytime I listen to it, it's both pleasurable and puts me on edge at the same time. There's just something about it that reminds me of some of the more interesting post-rock stuff like Bark Psychosis and Tortoise. Hmm...

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Bat For Lashes – Two Suns

Bat For Lashes' second album took me by surprise. I liked some songs from the debut Fur & Gold, but couldn't stomach the whole because it was somehow lacking in personality. For a moment there, she was just another goth pop chick with a few interesting ideas, but ultimately a bit too derivative of Bjork, Kate Bush and PJ. But Two Suns, from it's opening track "Glass" (my fave song on the set, together with "Daniel" and "Moon & Moon") is more consistently engaging throughout. I love the rather overwritten and romantic lyrics; it has a certain naivete about it, but it works because she's young, and she's experiencing adult heartbreak for the first time and she's allowed her songs and her words to open up, unlike on the first album. The overall impression is sultry spacious goth pop with a new romantic heart -- and more impressively she manages to breathe new life into this genre after it had been shat on by the likes of Evanescence. It's also very melodic and her singing has really improved. At certain moments, the approach gets a bit cloying, but on the whole, it's definitely swoonworthy.

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Doves – Kingdom Of Rust

I'm not really a fan of Brit rock so much but I have a soft spot for Doves... I've been a fan of Doves since their second album The Last Broadcast. I think it's because of the sadness in their music. Even on their most euphoric tracks like "There Goes The Fear" on the aforementioned album, there's the tiniest thread of melancholy that runs through it that breaks my heart. And four albums on, they don't disappoint. Kingdom Of Rust is up there with the rest of the band's output but it's no easy rehash. I don't know how they do it, but each new album from Doves manages to deliver tensions that earlier albums only hint at. In Kingdom Of Rust there's a real sense of restlessness... that Some Cities touched on for a bit, but Some Cities was more about a certain kind of hopelessness, of being stuck. KOR is more about propulsion, borne out of desperation, a kind of a final bid to capture the exuberance that made The Last Broadcast so great. Some people might say that they didn't try hard enough but I don't think they're retreading. I love this album because it just proves what an amazing band Doves is. They're not particularly experimental nor visionary... and they're certainly not witty... in fact, their music is almost workmanlike in its ambitions; working class rhythms, but with sweeping majesty, and romantic yearnings to boot. The title track I love to death -- it's like Ennio Morricone meets... Doves! I really wouldn't be surprised if Doves can't follow up this album. To me they're like polar bears trying to fight against the slush. What would be left after a kingdom of rust?

*

Junior Boys – Begone Dull Care

It's true. Junior Boys' third album is not as instantly accessible as Last Exit or So This Is Goodbye. But that doesn't mean it's not good. In fact, it's excellent... because it doesn't rely on obvious hooks or instant gratification. The songs, there are only eight of them on this album but almost all are five-minute-plus affairs, build up gradually over midtempo beats, blue-eyed soul, sardonic lyrics... the whole thing is so stoic at first... and a bit forbidding -- like a cold bed. But in terms of exploring android soul, Junior Boys do it so much better than Daft Punk's showy offerings. There's more subtlety here, and the lines blur between what is robotic and what is human. Not that Jeremy Greenspan's sexy understated voice sounds inhuman but coupled with the smooth Kraftwerkian soundscapes and you-broke-my-heart-first sentiments that at times choke the album with an almost tyrannical sense of polish, this -- all neon lights, tungsten yellows, glass and metal buildings, wet city streets -- was the overlooked dancefloor homage to the unsatisfied soul of 2009.

*

Andrew Bird – Noble Beast

While it's not a total departure from his previous album Armchair Apocrypha, it took me a while to able to appreciate Noble Beast fully... just because it's very layered and intricate. It's also less immediate, but not because it's less melodic... on the contrary, the album is made up of songs that reveal themselves slowly. The first song that got me was definitely "Not A Robot, But A Ghost" (definitely the highlight of the album). In between, there's sunny melodies, wonderful vocal harmonies, Andrew's violin arabesques and haunting whistling. Maybe it's because his lyrics are rather cryptic and self-deprecatng. It's not the sort of thing that lends itself to easy listening... although... it's quite pleasant. Cause it's you know kinda folky. And I love folk with a touch of something different and proggy. But I love this album because out of all the albums I've heard all year, this sounds closest to the kind of music that I myself would love to be putting out there. So yeah, Andrew Bird is definitely an influence and a musical hero. If only I could whistle like him...

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Boy In Static – Candy Cigarette

When I first listened to San Francisco band Boy In Static at Johnny and Winnie's new pad, I didn't know anything about them. But I knew it was good music... I'm surprised I didn't hear anything about it online anywhere. I guess good music sometimes takes a while to register for most. Then I read up about them online and found out that they were signed to The Notwist's label. Ah... that explains the similarities. But Boy In Static is definitely no copycat band. I love the Postal Service-ish vibe of the album... and at times, BIS do it better. The interplay between violin lines and electronic beats, the summery melodies, the vocal harmonies and bittersweet lyrics. It's like an album of growing pains, of transitioning from adolescence to adulthood. But not puerile... but affecting. And fun at the same time. And that's good... because Xiu Xiu can get a bit intense at times...
*

Fever Ray – Fever Ray

This is the dark electropop masterpiece of the year. Swampy. Moody. Buzzy. And features The Knife's excellent vocalist Karin Dreijer. Enuf said.

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Yeah Yeah Yeahs – It’s Blitz

When YYY released their second album Show Your Bones, I was kinda disappointed. Not just because it didn't have anything that sounded like "Maps" on it, but also that the band sounded rather bored. I only liked "Gold Lion" and "Cheated Hearts" from that album. So I was kinda hesitant about It's Blitz. I like the band's energy but wasn't sure if I could stomach another disappointment... until I heard "Zero" that is! This is for me the dance album of the year! I don't know how they did it, but YYY managed to recapture the exuberance of their first album, by leaving much of their rawness behind and embracing a bigger sound. "Zero" is just an awesome track... followed by "Heads Will Roll", "Soft Shock" and "Skeleton".... my ears just couldn't believe it. How did they do this? Songs so simple, arrangements that make sense, and yet surprising at the same time. It must be Karen O's voice... it's such a special voice. I'm just cut because tickets sold out for their gig in Singapore... LOL... what to do? must be fate. I guess I just have to listen to this album again and again...
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The Flaming Lips – Embryonic

I loved Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots. At the time it was released, I thought it was a worthy contender, if a bit goofy, to Radiohead's Kid A. Here was an institution band following up an opus with an electromash album. And although it didn't change the world of rock like Kid A, it had its moments. But not so At War With The Mystics... which was unfocused and a bit too deliberately goofed. I lost interest in the Lips after that... until I read good reviews about Embryonic, their so-called psychedelic latest album, supposedly their most experimental record since Zaireeka.... I haven't heard that one so I can't comment. But you know, I love Bardo Pond and Tortoise... so how experimental can this be? Pleasantly. I was surprised by the textures, the looseness of the songs, the new energy in Coyne's voice, and the coherence-within-the-incoherence of it. I found myself listening to this in a pleasant haze of exuberance. But most importantly, it makes me want to listen to it more, which is probably my one single most important criterion for choosing it as one of my faves of the year.
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Other noteworthy albums of 2009

Antony & The Johnsons - The Crying Light
'Twas a wonderful album although it doesn't quite measure up to I Am A Bird Now. But stunning songs and performances nevertheless.

Phoenix - Wolfgang Amadeus
It's fun.

Micachu & The Shapes - Jewellery
Strange, inscrutable. I love the idea and spirit of it.

Karen O & The Kids - Where The Wild Things Are OST
Very nice.

Dangermouse & Sparklehorse - Dark Night Of The Soul
Nice moody stuff but a bit uneven in some places. I love the tracks with James Mercer and Wayne Coyne.

Seeland - Tommorrow Today
Love it.

Mew - No More Stories Are Told Today
They get better and better.

David Sylvian - Manafon
Blemish, part deux.

La Roux - La Roux
Fierce.

Maxwell - BLACKSummer'sNight
Good return to form.

The xx - The xx
Lovely.

.... I'm sure there are more. I could only digest so many albums in a year... and sorry Whitney, you didn't make the list though I love the "Million Dollar Bill" single... much better than that Mariah crap.

And I really don't know what to make of Lady GaGa.

Another thing: Beyonce, please stop screaming into the mic.

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Albums I couldn’t stop listening to that weren’t released in 2009

Judy Garland – At Carnegie Hall
A beautiful boy introduced this to me and I have to say it's one of the best live albums I've ever heard. Judy is nothing short of amazing. And everytime I play this, I'm reminded of wonderful memories I had with that boy.

Milton Nascimento – Travessia
Whoever hasn't heard of Milton must. This is his debut, a mixture of samba, bossa and folk, made magic with Milton's soulful voice.

Various Artistes – Cabaret OST
It's been a while. The boy I fell in love with reintroduced me to the world of movie musicals. And I was reminded of this. Bought the DVD in Singapore and watched it eight times. Although My Fair Lady is still my favourite, Cabaret is definitely up there.

Astrud Gilberto – A Certain Smile, A Certain Sadness
Slight of voice, dubious of talent, but enchanting nevertheless... I listened to a lot of bossa this year. Including Antonio Carlos Jobim's Stone Flower and Joao Gilberto's compilations. Astrud makes it inanely repeatable.

Dorothy Ashby – The Rubaiyat Of Dorothy Ashby
The find of the year! I read about Ashby the jazz harpist online while looking for stuff about Alice Coltrane (who is one of my musical heroes). More groove and R&B based, Dorothy is just as revelatory!

Portishead – Third
I can't get enough of this band. How did they do it? I love "Hunter" and "The Rip". And of course, "Machine Gun".

Michael Jackson – Thriller
Just a week before his death, I was listening to this on my headphones and thought to myself, what an amazing pop album! I was so shocked by MJ's death. I'm not a big fan... but I grew up with this music. He is definitely a touchstone.

Chaka Khan – Naughty
I missed Chaka when she came to KL this year. But it's okay. I have this classic to listen to. If you haven't heard "Papillon (Hot Butterfly)", you are missing out!

Ryuichi Sakamoto – 1996
I've been obsessed with this album since more than a decade ago. I'm still listening to it... I can't stop. Ryuichi is a genius!

The Beatles – Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
I got suckered into buying the remastered versions of Sgt Pepper's and Revolver - my two favourite Beatles albums. I'm still mulling whether to get Magical Mystery Tour (because of "Strawberry Fields Forever"). Maybe I should just get it... LOL. Looks and feels so nice... of course it sounds fab, it's The Beatles.

SUARAM 20TH ANNIVERSARY DINNER - “20 Years Defending Human Rights”

2009-11-04T21:51:00.000-08:00

SUARAM 20TH ANNIVERSARY DINNER
“20 Years Defending Human Rights”

Fundraiser & Tribute to Defenders of Human Rights in Malaysia

Date & Time: Sun 6 Dec, 8pm to 11pm

Venue: Banquet Hall, MBPJ Civic Hall, Petaling Jaya, Selangor

Admission: RM50 per seat or RM500 per table (10 seats)

Ticket info: Temme Lee (temmelee@gmail.com)

SUARAM is celebrating its 20th Anniversary Dinner on 6 December 2009 with a dinner event to raise funds for our human rights work as well as to pay tribute to those who have fearlessly fought for and defended human rights in Malaysia all these years. The theme of the dinner is "20 Years Defending Human Rights".

Programme line up: SUARAM Human Rights Award 2009, stand-up comedy performance by Mano Maniam, theatre performance by Rumah Anak Teater (RAT) and performances by Jerome Kugan, Meor and Azmyl Yunor.

SUARAM is currently seeking support via donations, sponsors for lucky draw items and/or ticket purchase for the event. All proceeds from ticket sales will help finance SUARAM’s human rights work that includes educational and training programmes, campaigns against detention without trial, police brutality and for protection of refugee rights, urgent appeals against arbitrary detention and torture, documentation and monitoring of human rights violations etc. Tickets cost RM50 each, a table (10 seats) costs RM500.

Don't hesitate to disseminate this information to your friends and family. :-)

For more information on the dinner, please visit http://www.suaram.net/dinner-2009
For more information on SUARAM, please visit http://www.suaram.net/about

The Accidental Soundguy

2009-11-03T23:30:00.000-08:00

You know, sometimes I wonder who actually reads this blog. LOL. Or if my life actually means anything for anyone. But, you know, I've gone down that path many times before. And if I entertain that line of thought, and knowing how it would naturally lead to my totally unglamorous regard for how depressingly uninteresting I am, I'll probably end up going for days without showering and playing Bejeweled non-stop. So that's why I prefer to play my favourite Roisin Murphy or Annie CDs, sing along really loudly to them in the shower and pretend I'm just chewing gum through life for the sake of it. Because life is too short... to be stupid.

Speaking of silly things... I guess this post is about some of the things I've been doing in the past few months but haven't really managed to find time to blog about.

KL Sing Song 2009

Some of you might know that I'm one-third of Troubadours Enterprise, a little initiative I started up with some friends of mine -- singer songwriters Azmyl Yunor and Tan Sei Hon. (That's the three of us in the pic taken by our good friend Johnny McGeorge). We organise this annual concert of singer songwriters called KL Sing Song and we just recently finished organising this year's edition at The Annexe Gallery where I work. We featured 19 singer songwriters altogether and I was the soundguy for the three-day concert. It was kind of stressful work doing the sound and I think I did OK, save for a moment during the first night when I kind of scolded the crowd for not clearing the hall during the line-check for the second set. Blur... Thanks Shieko for taking pics of KL Sing Song... that's me at the sound mixing board.

I'm reading the review for the show by Adrian Yap CK that came out in The Star today. It's nice for a little show like ours to get such nice coverage in the papers... and I think the write-up is a fair assessment of the concert. Except for this line: "KL Sing Song is perhaps an acquired taste for most, with it being such a hardcore display of pure singer-songwriter talents." This notion of "acquired taste" has always been for me a kind of oxymoron. Firstly, are not all tastes acquired? And why should one regard a genre of presentation (in this case, singer songwriters) as an "acquired taste" just because it's minimally staged? I'm not against labelling, but I'm against pigeonholing and putting things into confined boxes, and then saying that it's "an acquired taste" just because people are not used to it. It's more like it's because the music industry and commercial radio and music TV channels have all been artificially engineered to favour the fortunes of bands and good-looking people... if we were blind and ageless, I reckon we'd become better listeners and better at appreciating different genres.

Unfortunately, we're much impaired by our vision and our limited knowledge. We like certain things because we've been conditioned to think in certain ways. But "acquired taste"? If tastes can be acquired, then they certainly can be passed on. It's this perception that we've been trying to overcome... but if writers keep marginalising the performers like this, how can appreciation for the scene grow beyond the niche?

Biz FM Interviews
The two Biz FM interviews I did are online.

Here's one I did for the "In Conversation" segment on 23 Oct 2009. The interviewer asked me to pick 3 songs and talked about them in a general way, plus my life in general... and all that... the three songs I chose were: 1. U2 - "One"; 2. Bjork - "Generous Palmstroke"; and 3. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - "Maps".

Here's an earlier one I did in July. More about talking about my music and writing.

And one of me performing "Tomas" live on radio.

The Gig Report
I don't usually write about the gigs I play at... just because... well... there's not really much to say except "Thank you" to the people who come to watch me play. Although judging from the last few gigs I played at, it really doesn't seem as though people actually make the effort to come and watch me perform. I'm usually the salad to someone else's main course. LOL. But I don't blame anyone for it except myself. I should practise more often... this practice of mine bringing lyric sheets to the stage... aiyoh... it's so slack... I should make the effort to memorise the words and practise my guitar more often.

Of the recent gigs, the ones at Urbanattic and Homegrown were sparsely attended. Siew Eng came to the Homegrown gig! (And also David and Christine!) Which was nice... to see friendly faces in the crowd. Sherry aka Sharidir and Nizam P also played Homegrown that day, and they were amazing of course! Love love love. After Homegrown, Siew Eng and I trotted down the road to Ikea for Swedish meatballs and drool over the furniture... both of us were really infatuated with the queen-size double-bunk bed... I think it's some kind of fetish we both share for sleeping in an elevated position... ha ha ha... moving on... the Urbanattic gig with David was fun. We collaborated on a few songs... which was great. But I have to say... we should have had more time to jam together. It's still kinda hard for me to collaborate with other musicians... I always feel humbled by the gesture that I think I clam up. But I try... I try... LOL.

Last Monday's No Black Tie gig with David and Yuna fared better. But again, I don't think the crowd came to see me specifically. I will always be the salad to someone else's main course. So I gave up trying to please the audience... and played a set of six new songs that I've never performed before. But it didn't matter. I had fun, mainly because it was the day after we finished with KL Sing Song and I wasn't so stressed out. And also because it's always nice to see both David and Yuna perform... they're such nice people with nice voices and nice songs. OMG I love love love. I also played a set of songs with David, which was nice. And sang a cover of "Across The Universe" with David and Yuna to close the night's proceedings. The photo of me David and me taken by Johnny McGeorge.

Hmm... I have maybe two more gigs coming up for the rest of the year. Will blog about that when they come up.

Body 2 Body review
A review of Body 2 Body, the anthology of queer Malaysian writings I co-edited with Pang, was published in the Time Asia November 9 issue. It's also online here. Risky indeed.

Is That All There Is?

2009-11-03T09:38:00.000-08:00

Sometimes a song comes along that just sounds so peculiar and communicates so clearly the things I'm trying to figure out in my head. And in the past two or three weeks it's been this Lieber & Stoller song. I can't help thinking about it, the lyrics, the melody, the structure of the song, the two different versions I've heard.

When I first heard it, via the Chaka Khan version from her Classikhan album, I thought to myself "What a strange little song..." The verses are spoken, narrating three different episodes - a house burning down, a trip to the circus, a failed love affair - all underpinned by the narrator's rather disappointed epiphany "Is there all there is?" and goes on to add "Well, if that's all there is, then let's keep dancing" and "break[ing] out the booze". I'm not sure if it's a defeatist statement... or maybe just realistic... or perhaps even taking a zen approach to things. Especially since the last verse has the narrator saying that she'll never commit suicide, because she suspects that death will be yet another disappointment... LOL... well, that's one way to look at death. I second...

:-)

Anyway, I was thinking about why this song was affecting me so. I guess the spoken parts took me aback. There are not that many songs written like this. And also the approach to the song... it made me think of the subtlety of Peggy Lee's version, which I like the best of the ones I've heard so far. It has to be performed with a certain nonchalance... anticipation that turns into disappointment... that turns into bittersweet wistfulness... like some New Orleans funeral march. I love how a song can be like this... it gets me into thinking if somehow my songwriting is lacking something. Well, if I'm already thinking it, then maybe it is lacking... and then it got me into thinking if my life is lacking something... well, of course, it is... like my good friend Amsalan would say, "It's all about the manifestation of your thoughts". If you're already thinking about it, then it's probably there.

Well, my thoughts are saying "Is That All There Is?" right now... and I wonder if I'm getting bored, or dealing with certain disappointments that haven't yielded their lessons... and I wonder if I need to really step back and take another look at my life and my music... and... and... ask myself "Is that all there is?"

Or maybe it's just because it's a nice song... I must admit I do like the banjo and tuba combo. :-)

JK performs at No Black Tie with David Knight + Yuna

2009-11-01T07:28:00.000-08:00

Yep, after playing sound guy at the recently-concluded KL Sing Song 2009, I'll be performing with David Knight and Yuna at No Black Tie on Monday 2 November. The show starts at 9pm and goes on til midnight. I'll be playing some songs by myself and some with David. Admission is free, so if you've got nothing to do tommorrow night, come by and drink a glass of stout with me. :-)

New song uploaded to MySpace - "We Are Meant To Be"

2009-10-28T19:40:00.000-07:00

Just uploaded a new song to the MySpace account. Click here to listen to it.

The song is called "We Are Meant To Be" and I wrote almost two years ago with the intention of releasing it as part of a collection of electronic-based songs I was composing at the time. (I wrote WAMTB around the same time I wrote "A Different Beat".) Unfortunately... so the story goes... my hard drive crashed and I lost all the original files I had for the song. My intention was to work on the songs a bit more... but I guess it was just meant to be (I know, I know, I should've backed up all that stuf -- the irony was right before the crash I bought an external HD for that purpose... just unfortunate timing).

Anyway, before the crash, I made a mixdown mp3 and put it on my iPood. And that's how this mp3 survived... and instead of allowing it to languish forever in the desert of nowhere, I decided to upload it onto the MySpace account for everyone to hear... the could-have-been.

The song is about love, destiny, melancholy, sleeplessness.

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WE ARE MEANT TO BE

(Music & Lyrics by Jerome Kugan)

I see you now disarmed of your clothes
Your eyes folded still dead to the world
I see you now walking a clothesline
Your arms outstretched still thinking you could fly

I see you now kicking away your sheets
Your bed is a desert and your mouth a lie
I see you now dreaming of music
Someone's whispers turn into a song
I see you now looking for a face
Touching every face, all the sleeping faces

I see you now, You're floating in my hands
You're dancing in my head, I think you understand
That we are meant to be, We are meant to be
In life or in death, you've replaced the thing I once called God

We are meant to be
We are meant to be

JK performs at Homegrown on 14 Oct

2009-10-05T09:29:00.000-07:00

Got another gig coming up this month! Just confirmed. I'll be playing for a Homegrown session, to be videotaped in front of a live audience. It's happening on the 14th of October (that's a Wednesday night) at Wisma Bentley, Mutiara Damansara, at 7pm. Also on the bill is my good friend and excellent singer songwriter Shahridir aka Sherry, who will be playing with percussionist Nizam P.

It's a free gig. And since it'll be taped, it'll be great to get a crowd happening... maybe a mosh pit or two (albeit in slo-mo hippy style). I'll be playing a 30-minute set of old and new material. Please come! :-)

Jerome @ Homegrown
Wed 14 Oct, 7pm
Wisma Bentley, Mutiara Damansara
(same building as Court's Mammoth, next to Ikea)
Admission Free

Two upcoming gigs with David Knight

2009-10-02T22:28:00.000-07:00

Hey folks, I'll be performing with my good and very talented singer songwriter friend David Lloyd Knight who hails from San Jose, California in two upcoming gigs in KL, during his second KL tour. We met and played a gig together last year at Jaya One (that's where the photo was taken, by another good friend Johnny McGeorge). Dave's a fun guy with lots of lovely songs. Here's a link to his MySpace page.

Needless to say, it's a pleasure to be able to play with him again.

Catch us at these two gigs if you can. They're both free. :-)

Tue 13 Oct, 10pm til midnight @ Urbanattic, Capsquare, KL

Mon 2 Nov, 9pm til midnght @ No Black Tie, Jalan Mesui, Bukit Bintang

Also, don't forget about KL Sing Song 2009: The 5th Malaysian Singer Songwriters Showcase which I'm co-organising with Azmyl and Sei Hon. Clink the lick for more details.

AZMYL + JEROME + SEI HON - Live!

2009-09-12T07:09:00.001-07:00

AZMYL + JEROME + SEI HON - Live!

Sun 27 Sep, 5pm - in conjunction with Art For Grabs Raya Special
The Annexe Gallery
Admission Free

Singer songwriters and Troubadours founders Azmyl Yunor, Tan Sei Hon and Jerome Kugan perform together for the first time since 2007, in a preview gig for this year’s KL Sing Song happening from 30 Oct to 1 Nov.

Catch Azmyl the punk folker, Sei Hon the acoustic ah beng, and Jerome the pink spirit perform a mix of new and old original songs in their own inimitable style.

Not to be missed!

Tickets for KL Sing Song 2009 will be available for purchase during the gig!

RSVP on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=136355665825

What's New Pussycat?

2009-08-26T21:12:00.000-07:00

Meow. I've been pretty much railroaded by work lately. A recap of some of the things I've been up to:

1. Seksualiti Merdeka at The Annexe Gallery was a big thing. A whole village of us organised a five-day sexuality rights festival. I helped co-ordinate a cabaret-type concert called Rainbow Massacre which was a hell lot of fun.

2. Body 2 Body anthology. Matahari Press released this anthology of queer writings that Pang Khee Teik and I edited. It has 23 stories in it; I snuck one story in there. We released it during Seksualiti Merdeka... and then went down to Singapore a week later to launch it during Indignation.

3. What The Duck? Creative United Movement held an art social media night at Palate Palette and I was asked to spin an hour of strange music while invited guests were asked to paint with old makeup. I dropped Alice Coltrane, Kahimi Karie, Eumir Deodato, Animal Collective, etc.

4. I performed two songs for a Maxis Hotlink event at Club Mist in Bangsar.

5. I've also been writing new songs... for the third album... which is kind of funny cause I haven't even started recording the second one yet.

6. An interview I did with The Nutgraph came out last Thursday.
Here's the linkage: http://thenutgraph.com/anything-but-bland

Other than that... been keeping rather mum, bought a new pair of headphones... hmm... meow.

JK live on BFM at 10am on Friday 18 July + gig on 25th

2009-07-16T02:51:00.000-07:00

I don't appear on local radio very often. Especially one as popular as BFM 89.9 MHz. So this is a plum opportunity for anyone who wishes to be stunned by my soft Michael Jackson-ish speaking voice. I'll be interviewed by DJ Shefah for the morning show Open For Business at 10am. We'll be talking about my music, life and work. If we have time, I might also play one of my songs live on radio! :-D

+

Also I'm playing a two-song set at the launch of R Records at Bar Celona @ Sunway Pyramid on Friday 25 July at 10pm. My song "Tomas" was picked up as a single by R Records which will be selling it as mobile download through Maxis. Aside from the album cut, there will be two remixes of Tomas - an acoustic version and a drum+bass-ish mix by Transient Vortex.

More info about the gig later.

JK performs at Seksan Gallery

2009-06-17T09:44:00.000-07:00

JK @ Seksan Gallery Readings
27 June, 3pm
67, Jalan Tempinis Satu,
Lucky Garden
Bangsar, KL

JK performing a 20-minute musical interlude to sweeten readings by poet Alina Rastam, novelist Chuah Guat Eng and writer Michelle Gunaselan. :-)

So, yeah, I won't be at Urbanscapes...

I'm going to do a five-song set of old and new songs, plus a cover!

1. I Like
2. No Classes Today
3. The Dreamer & The Tombstone
4. On The Street Where You Live
5. You Will Be Mine

Sharon Bakar who organises the monthly readings is a wonderful friend. Check out her blog http://thebookaholic.blogspot.com

Next gig: Homegrown Space launch @ Bentley Mutiara

2009-05-05T23:51:00.001-07:00

Bali Spirit Fest was a blast! Ah... sweet memories... not least being able to watch Tom Freund, a singer songwriter from California, who was for me the best thing on the bill! My co-Sabahan Mia Palencia was also top notch! Me on the other hand... got through it with a frog in my throat... also managed to scam my way through three yoga classes without breaking a limb - ha ha ha

Anyway, on with the show. I'll be performing just one more show this month. On 16 May for Homegrown's monthlong series of gigs which is also the launch of Homegrown Space, at 3rd Floor, Wisma Bentley, Mutiara Damansara. Click on the flyer for the full line-up. There's tons of cool people on it.

The only thing is I have no idea where this place is... ha ha ha... that's what happens when you don't have a car in KL.

Gig starts at 3pm.

I think it's free. :-)

Bali Spirit Festival 2009

2009-04-24T06:29:00.000-07:00

Yep. I'll be flying off next Wednesday to go to Bali Spirit Festival 2009. It's an annual festival in Ubud, Bali, dedicated to yoga, dance and music. I'll be performing two sets in the fest. There's a whole lot of other musicians from around the world. I'm quite excited and very much looking forward to it. This will be my second time in Ubud. First time was during the Ubud Writers Fest in 2005. It's always a lot of fun being asked to perform at festivals. My last time performing in a fest was last year's Urbanscapes at KLPac which was so much fun (even though I had the worst hangover from drinking too much on my birthday... ha ha ha).

Also performing at Bali Spirit Fest is my fellow Sabahan Mia Palencia!

:-)

And of course on the top of my list of priorities while in Ubud is to try babi guling!

Society of the Spectacle... update

2009-04-20T10:47:00.000-07:00

This is a bit of a non-event but "Society of the Spectacle" is currently being laid out in Microsoft Word... ha ha ha.

It's my second chappybook of poems for 2009. I don't know how much longer this sudden publishing frenzy is going to last. I've started writing for my third chappy... but maybe I should take a break...

This new one is inspired by Malaysian politics, especially now... and what's been happening in the past year. I borrowed the title from Guy De Bord's book, "Society Of The Spectacle" .... which I haven't even read yet... ha ha ha... I'm such a loser... ha ha ha...

Oh I love the chaos and confusion!

At any rate... hmm... there are 26 poems altogether... most of them written very fast and direct or whatever... a bit crude also in many places... lol...

I don't know what to do for the cover yet... this one of a skeleton angel I stole from somewhere doesn't quite fit.

So far I've posted some of the poems appearing in the chappybook on my Imaginary Poem blog and on Facebook.

I'll post some more... here's one...

*

Sex Game

If you want me, you have to come and find me
among the rubble
of missing bodies and nameless ones.

On top of the mountains of never ending
court documents.
That’s where the pieces of me
will be.

And when you’ve put the charred pieces
of my beautiful body back together,
you can ask me:
“Why did you have to go and get yourself blown up?”

And I would answer: “Well,
I didn’t want to speak. So they forced a gun in my mouth.
And then they asked me the question
one more time.”

The Loneliest Profession In The World

2009-04-08T07:09:00.000-07:00

It's out and about!

"The Loneliest Profession In The World" which is a collection of 23 poems written by yours truly is available at these two stores.

1. Rice Cooker, on Mezzanine Flr, Central Market Annexe.

2. Silverfish Bookstore, at 58-1 Jln Telawi Bangsar.

It will also be available at Art For Grabs & KL Alternative Book Fair, at The Annexe Gallery, 9 & 10 May.

A Different Beat - New song uploaded to MySpace

2009-04-06T06:15:00.000-07:00

My old hard drive crashed sometime in December last year during a most traumatic period in my life. Sigh.

:-(

Aside from losing at love, I lost a few music projects. Including the Nuendo project file for this song that I wrote and recorded sometime in December 2007. This one managed to survive the drive crash thanks to me having emailed it to a friend. So... yeah... I was intending to rework the song a bit more and recording it for real in some fancy shmancy studio... complete with an Extreme Makeover turning Jerome the folkie into some disco bunny. But that's a story that will probably not happen... it's all MIDI programming and yeah (the budget for my bunny ear transplant was spent instead on a new hard drive). Like my ex would've said: c'est la vie!

For what it's worth, here it is, uploaded onto my MySpace... a housey kinda dancey song - "A Different Beat"

Enjoy!

http://myspace.com/jkugan

Rufus sings Over The Rainbow

2009-04-02T23:13:00.000-07:00

I love this song. I love the man who sings it.

The Fictitious Review #1: Skin Lane by Neil Bartlett

2009-03-22T09:37:00.001-07:00

Although set in 1967 London, Skin Lane is not so much a novel about the swingin' sixties as it is a modern gothic thriller. Deceptively told as the story of one Mr F--a 46 year old confronted by his homosexual awakening--this novel is truly a tour de force of minimalism in the service of a vindication of one man's particular obsession with youth and beauty.

At the heart of the novel is the tale of the Beauty & the Beast. The novel is introduced with a flashback to Mr F as a child, who constantly requests his annoyed father to read to him the fairy tale. In his youthful imaginings, Mr F was the beauty in the story--pervertedly awaiting molestation by the beast. But Bartlett is not merely interested in childish perversions of horror. The story takes dark turns, often into surprising corners that thrill and repulse at the same time.

The motif of the beauty and the beast story recurs in surprising places throughout the novel. For one, it has a lot of fur in it. (No, not that kind of fur...) The adult Mr F has worked as a master cutter in a fur factory for , situated in a business district in London devoted to the fur trade called Skin Lane. (No, not that kind of skin trade...) (But one must admit how cleverly Bartlett implants such connotations--it's really just business). Although he has a knack for cutting the hides of dead rodents, Mr F is not so quite like the talented Mr Ripley. Oblivious to his surroundings and socially awkward, Mr F is a painfully shy manchild forgotten by time. And like other rumoured pederasts of ages past, Mr F is tortured from within.

This novel's particular torture comes in the form of Mr F's recurring dream. Lesser reviewers will choose to reveal the contents of the dream. Let's just say that it's another variation on the beauty and the beast story that Bartlett manages to insert into both Mr F's and the reader's imaginations.

While Skin Lane can at times come across as an unsavoury view of an older man who desires younger men, Bartlett's novel doesn't demonise Mr F. By book's end, the line betwen what is beautiful and what is beastly is blurred, revealing the novel's true intention. Mr F could've been anyone. Bartlett's cool prose even suggests at times that Mr F is such an improbable caricature that he shouldn't... couldn't... have existed.

But then there's that creeping sensation that he could've. And that any of us, forgotten by time, could turn into beasts ourselves.

Title: Skin Lane
Author: Neil Bartlett
(Serpent's Tail, 2007)

The Girl From Ipanema

2009-03-20T12:06:00.000-07:00

A totally adorable Astrud Gilberto looking wide-eyed and singing her signature tune, "The Girl From Ipanema" in this clip.

Music Snob Journal #4: Ella Fitzgerald - Sings The Cole Porter Songbook

2009-03-18T07:07:00.000-07:00

Many before me have lauded and compared the merits of various African American jazz divas from the golden age of 20th century pop music. For me, there are only a few really worth mentioning. And there are no real surprises here... I love Billie Holliday for her mournful voice, Sarah Vaughan for her dramatic approach, Dinah Washington for her sly bluesiness, and Nina Simone for her attitude.

... and then there was Ella Fitzgerald, First Lady of Song, whose ultimate claim to fame was that she had a truly sweet voice.

Each singer has managed to produce definitive readings of pop/jazz standards. Billie Holliday alone has claimed ownership of so many songs. It's impossible to sing her signature tunes like "Good Morning Heartache" or "Strange Fruit" without calling it an homage. Meanwhile Sarah Vaughan and Dinah Washington each has her own signature tune. Just one listen to Vaughan's version of "Lush Life", "Autumn In New York" and "My Man's Gone Now" and it's impossible to hear those songs any other way. Dinah Washington's "What A Difference A Day Made" and "Mad About The Boy" are classics! Meanwhile, Nina is just Nina... anything she sings -- from "My Baby Just Cares For Me" to "I Shall Be Released" just becomes her.

Ella, on the other hand, had no definitive style per se. She wasn't a dramatically showy vocalist like Sarah Vaughan. And she couldn't turn "Night & Day" into an aching lament like Billie did. Technically, all of them had strengths of their own. Sarah had an amazing range, her low register especially haunting. Billie's voice was limited but she knew how to bring out the heartache in every line with her mastery of phrasing.

Technically, Ella was pitch and note perfect. Almost annoyingly so. She didn't take as much liberty with the melody as some of her peers. (Except in concert, that is! Her vocal scats on her live recordings are nothing short of amazing!). What Ella possessed over the others was honey... she had golden warm rays of honey in her voice. The morning sun, flowers in the garden, birds chirping in the air, pastel polka dots that sprout in every footstep on the beat. When Ella sang, everything just feels good, things fall into place, the songs breathe as they should, and you can sing along because it's so easy to sing along to Ella. You don't just call something like that talent... it's a gift!

As a singer myself, it's sometimes hard to find that balance of technique and individuality. Everyone has a differently textured voice. Limitations can often be defining qualities. Michael Stipe of REM has a gritty nasal tone... if you can call it tone. Stipe'll never be what some would call a "classic" singer in the style of Tony Bennett or even Bruce Springsteen. But he has a style of his own. Which is I think harder to achieve because it's going against what the mainstream music audience prefers. I take my hat off to any musician who can survive in the industry for more than five years.

During the height of Ella's popularity from the 40s to the 60s, she was mainstream. She was popular among black and white audiences in America, Europe and Japan even though she was not classically pretty or glamorous. But she had a great singing voice that matured into a well-rounded interpreter of pop/jazz standards. I've been listening to her Gershwin songbook and it's simply amazing. Crisp. And the words are perfectly enunciated... not like the floridly flowery melismas of most of today's popular vocalists. She was like a black Julie Andrews. Ha ha ha...

Anyway... put your hands together for one of Ella's best recordings!

*

Ella Fitzgerald - Sings The Cole Porter Songbook (Verve, 1956)

Disc: 1
1. All Through the Night
2. Anything Goes
3. Miss Otis Regrets
4. Too Darn Hot
5. In the Still of the Night
6. I Get a Kick Out of You
7. Do I Love You?
8. I'm Always True To You In My Fashion
9. Let's Do It (Let's Fall in Love)
10. Just One of Those Things
11. Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye
12. All of You
13. Begin the Beguine
14. Get Out of Town
15. I Am in Love
16. From This Moment On

Disc: 2
1. I Love Paris
2. You Do Something to Me
3. Ridin' High
4. Easy to Love
5. It's All Right with Me
6. Why Can't You Behave?
7. What Is This Thing Called Love?
8. You're the Top
9. Love for Sale
10. It's De-Lovely
11. Night and Day
12. Ace in the Hole
13. So in Love
14. I've Got You Under My Skin
15. I Concentrate on You
16. Don't Fence Me In
17. You're the Top [Alternative][#][*]
18. I Concentrate on You [Alternate Take][#][*]
19. Let's Do It (Let's Fall in Love) [Alternate Take][#][*]

(This is the tracklisting for the 1997 reissue.)

How can anyone beat this album? I love Billie's "Lady In Satin" and though the two are not really comparable, Ella kicks ass.

Lots have been written about Ella and her recordings for Verve, the jazz label founded by Norman Granz. While she was a great vocalist, most of Ella's early recordings before she joined Verve tended to lack artistic focus. Granz's great contribution to Ella's career was most definitely getting her to record a series of songbook albums featuring some of America's best songwriting talents. Ella's songbook series featured Duke Ellington, the Gershwins, Rodgers & Hart, Harold Arlen, Jerome Kern, Irving Berlin, and Johnny Mercer.

And the first of the eight songbooks she eventually recorded was the Cole Porter songbook.

Granted, she didn't record all of his songs. That would've been crazy. But the tracklisting is incredible. And the whole thing was recorded in just a few days, while Ella was in the middle of a nationwide tour. Unbelievable. Because she just sounds amazing, so technically precise and such blithe readings of Porter's witty lyrics.

Lots of people prefer the Gershwins. I know why. Ira Gershwin was an earnest lyricist. And they framed his brother George's genius musicality without really ever getting in the way. Songs like "The Man I Love" or "Our Love Is Here To Stay" or "Nice Work If You Can Get It" are pretty typical of the Gershwin fare--they're easy to listen to, easy to just sink into, and you can put them on anytime and not really worry what it is you're listening to cause it's just... what it is. It's fluff. But it's good fluff!

Cole Porter on the other hand was more playful. Never in a Porter song will you find a straight sentiment. There's a sinister layer that coats his songs... that is, if you're not taken aback by how funny it actually is. Porter's lyrics are black comedy for the bourgeois. His songs mock pretentious society while simultaneously and obviously reveling in it. I 'd like to think that Porter had a wicked sense of humour in his songs due to the "rumoured fact" that he was "homosexual". Although he married, he was alleged to have had affairs with men throughout his life. In addition to having musical talent, he was also rich by inheritance and marriage and enjoyed an intercontinental lifestyle. He died under rather tragic circumstances, however. After a horse-riding accident which crushed one of his feet, Porter suffered many bouts of depression, which lasted until his death in 1964. You can read more about Porter on Wikipedia...

Anyway, to cut a long story short, Porter was a funny guy. And his funny songs found a playful and precise interpreter in Ella. The combination shouldn' have worked. For one, Ella and Cole lived on completely different planets. Porter's life was lavish and glamorous, especially during his popular years on Broadway. Ella was a jazz workaholic, touring here, recording there... she was also a shy and private person. She married twice (and a rumoured third) to men of dubious character, and was conscious about her weight, didn't have much of a fashion sense... poor girl didn't really have much of a clue. (Tsk... of course she had.)

But what she had was... that honeyed voice. Just listen to her tackle "Too Darn Hot" and "Just One Of Those Things" and "Begin The Beguine"... Porter songs have deceptively simple melodies. They're not easy to sing. Mostly because it's so easy to oversing them and go straight for the jugular. But that kind of approach kills Porter's wit. Porter's songs are much more revealing if they're sung with a certain sly attitude. What's important in a Porter song is the punchline... everything builds up to that climax of bittersweet pleasure... all the mystery is lost if it's attacked.

That's not to say that Ella was all too reverent. Ella was jazz. She knew how to swing it. And though her Gershwin and Ellington songbooks displayed a more knowing approach, to hear Porter songs moved this way and that by Ella's sense of time and phrasing is just magic.

The arrangements are none too bad either. Although there's a sense that she might have covered too much ground with not really enough firepower (compare this to the more ambitious arrangements on the Gershwin songbook), Ella's performances and the choice of songs manage to pull the album together.

It's hard to pick a favourite from this set. I love "You're The Top". Mostly because of the lyrics, with rhymes galore, and a veritable list of everything that's whoopeedoo.

"At words poetic, I'm so pathetic
That I always have found it best,
Instead of getting 'em off my chest,
To let 'em rest unexpressed,
I hate parading my serenading
As I'll probably miss a bar,
But if this ditty is not so pretty
At least it'll tell you
How great you are.

You're the top!
You're the Coliseum.
You're the top!
You're the Louvre Museum.
You're a melody from a symphony by Strauss
You're a Bendel bonnet,
A Shakespeare's sonnet,
You're Mickey Mouse.
You're the Nile,
You're the Tower of Pisa,
You're the smile on the Mona Lisa
I'm a worthless check, a total wreck, a flop,
But if, baby, I'm the bottom you're the top!

Your words poetic are not pathetic.
On the other hand, babe, you shine,
And I can feel after every line
A thrill divine
Down my spine.
Now gifted humans like Vincent Youmans
Might think that your song is bad,
But I got a notion
I'll second the motion
And this is what I'm going to add;

You're the top!
You're Mahatma Gandhi.
You're the top!
You're Napoleon Brandy.
You're the purple light
Of a summer night in Spain,
You're the National Gallery
You're Garbo's salary,
You're cellophane.
You're sublime,
You're turkey dinner,
You're the time, the time of a Derby winner
I'm a toy balloon that’s fated soon to pop
But if, baby, I'm the bottom,
You're the top!

You're the top!
You're an arrow collar
You're the top!
You're a Coolidge dollar,
You're the nimble tread
Of the feet of Fred Astaire,
You're an O'Neill drama,

You're Whistler's mama!

You're camembert.

You're a rose,
You're Inferno's Dante,

You're the nose
On the great Durante.
I'm just in a way,
As the French would say, "de trop".
But if, baby, I'm the bottom,
You're the top!

You're the top!
You're a dance in Bali.
You're the top!
You're a hot tamale.
You're an angel, you,
Simply too, too, too diveen,
You're a Boticcelli,
You're Keats,
You're Shelly!

You're Ovaltine!
You're a boom,
You're the dam at Boulder,
You're the moon,
Over Mae West's shoulder,
I'm the nominee of the G.O.P. Or GOP!
But if, baby, I'm the bottom,
You're the top!

You're the top!
You're a Waldorf salad.
You're the top!
You're a Berlin ballad.
You're the boats that glide
On the sleepy Zuider Zee,
You're an old Dutch master,

You're Lady Astor,
You're broccoli!
You're romance,
You're the steppes of Russia,
You're the pants, on a Roxy usher,
I'm a broken doll, a fol-de-rol, a blop,

But if, baby, I'm the bottom,
You're the top!"

I (don't) think that's the full set of lyrics for "You're The Top". Ella only sings half of this version. It's a bit of a throwaway song especially compared to other Porter tunes like "Love For Sale" or "I've Got You Under My Skin" etc... but I do love this tune.

Here's a sweet clip of Nat King Cole and Ella duetting on "You're The Top". From 1957 (the year Malaya was born). They sang completely different lyrics!

The Pleasure of Off Days

2009-03-13T09:33:00.000-07:00

This week I took three days off work. And I've spent it all at home. Yesterday I did almost nothing. I stayed all day at home, eating and eating, ha ha ha...

I also tried to learn "A Felicidade" the bossa nova song by Tom Jobim and Vinicius de Moraes. It's in Portuguese. I read the translation once online and the lyrics are quite beautiful. Telling of how happiness and sadness are intertwined. You can't have one without the other. Like Carnival, which it references. It's also the context in which the song first appeared, on the soundtrack of "Orfeu Negro" the classic samba musical set during Mardi Gras in Rio with two characters based on the Greek myth of Orpheus and Eurydice. I discovered it's not so easy to sing bossa nova a capella.

Today, I rearranged my room somewhat... was trying to figure how to make more space in my room. I tried moving the table and wardrobe around but no use... there's no really any better arrangement for the furniture than what I already have. So I decided to move all the books out of the room. And throw away half my clothes.

God... how did I manage to accumulate so much crap?

I also went food shopping. Got me some nice bread and stuff to make sandwiches. Also yoghurt! I really have nothing to do... and avoiding everyone... so enjoying it...

Tommorrow I'll finish with the rest of the cleaning. Drop off and pick up laundry. And more eating!

*

BTW... the chapbook is finished. I dropped off a few copies at Rice Cooker. It's called "The Loneliest Profession In The World" and RM5 each.

Melancholy by Edvard Munch

2009-03-11T06:03:00.000-07:00

Melancholy by Edvard Munch

I look out to sea and it's mud. Every single sound I hear is mud. In every face I look all I see is mud. The sky is virulent with mud. The streets are sickening with mud. Everyone and everything have sold themselves to mud.

Oh! These morose yawnings! They come in waves! Wave after wave! And they eddy and they pool! Into an endless funeral procession of waves and waves and waves and waves and waves and waves and waves and waves and waves
of mud! Oh!

It stinks. And it's cold. And it's so tiring to stay afloat.

So tiring.

Everything is mud.

I detest this mud. Oh!

I detest this mud.

JK + Sherry Double Bill @ No Black Tie on 9 March

2009-03-02T06:00:00.000-08:00

JK + Shery Double Bill
No Black Tie
Monday 9 March, 8.30pm
Admission Free

*

One of my favourite local singer songwriters, Sherry aka Shahridir, will be performing in a double bill with me on Monday 9 March at No Black Tie, one of my favourite venues in town. The gig came about thanks to an invitation from NBT owner Evelyn Hii, who organises the series of Acoustic Monday performances at the venue.

It's really an honour to be playing alongside Sherry. The guy is an awesome musician and really humble and nice to boot. But then most of the singer songwriters I know are really awesome people... maybe I should be a bitch just to shake things up... you know, maybe pick a fight with Mei Chern. LOL...

For my set on 9 March, I'll be playing two 35-minute sets. And so will Sherry (who will be accompanied by Nizam that amazing percussionist, playing the cajon -- that box-looking thingamajig!). I'll be playing a selection of originals, including new songs I've been writing for the second album. I'll also throw in a few covers... I'm thinking of playing "On The Street Where You Live" from My Fair Lady and "Being Alive" from Company. Maybe I'll do "Tainted Love" again with Sherry... and maybe, just maybe... Leonard Cohen's "Famous Blue Raincoat."

The best thing about the whole gig is that it's absolutely FREE! No cover charge at all!

So please come if you can... I'll be giving out free kisses all night to whoever's feeling a bit on the downlow.

:-)

The Loneliest Chapbook In The World

2009-02-28T06:00:00.000-08:00

What is a chapbook?

According to Wikipedia, a chapbook is "a generic term to cover a particular genre of pocket-sized booklet, popular from the sixteenth through to the later part of the nineteenth century. No exact definition can be applied. Chapbook can mean anything that would have formed part of the stock of chapmen, a variety of peddler. The word chapman probably comes from the Anglo-Saxon word for barter, buy and sell. The term chapbook was formalised by bibliophiles of the nineteenth century, as a variety of ephemera (disposable printed material.) It includes many kinds of printed material, such as pamphlets, political and religious tracts, nursery rhymes, poetry, folk tales, children's literature and almanacs."

Ah...

So that's what a chapbook is!

Incidentally, I'm working on one right now!

It's called "The Loneliest Profession In The World" and collects about 20 poems I've written since October last year up until just a few days ago.

As you can see, no fancy InDesign or Adobe Illustrator for me. I designed the whole thing in Microsoft Word! Ha ha ha...

Will update more when it's all done. :-)

Music Snob Journal #3: Scritti Politti - White Bread Black Beer

2009-02-26T10:44:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if Scritti Politti is really music snob territory cause to me it sounds like how pop should be. But I guess what sets Scritti apart from the majority of pop out there is that lead singer (and these days the sole member) Green Gartside is much too intelligent compared to the average pop muppet. In fact, even the punky early days of Scritti, Green was a bit too wordy... the band name itself referencing Italian Marxist theorist Antonio Gramsci... you can read the band's Wiki here to find out more about the fascinating rise of Scritti from punky to pop to hip hop(?) to more indie-ish singer songwriter fare. I expect his next album will be another genre-jumper...

I first came across Scritti when I saw a videoclip of one of their late 1980s singles -- the still-pretty sounding "Oh Patti (Don't Feel Sorry For Loverboy)" featuring a sans-beard Green in a fetching hat looking rather pretty... (with a Miles Davis trumpet solo to boot!) I would've embedded the youtube clip of the song here if it hadn't been taken off... copyright issues methinks.

Anyway, I bought the cassette (I have since acquired the CD) of the album where "Oh Patti" came from, 1988's "Provision". It was their follow up to what is still considered by many their timeless classic "Cupid & Psyche 85". (I didn't manage to listen to "C&S 85" until last year... it is pretty!) I fell instantly in love with the band... because of the sparkling melodies (I still listen to "Boom! There She Was" all the time)... the hmm "intelligent" yet dippy lyrics... the intricate midi blue-eyed R&B pop soul funk arrangements (it's very 1980s! kinda Hall & Oates-ish)... and that voice!

Green Gartside has a voice that will divide listeners. It's a bit slight and thin. Not exactly reedy or airy. But kind of compact, cute and coy, like how you'd imagine a 12 year old would sing... kind of Justin Timberlake without the sex or Jordan Knight without the emoting. It's a voice that works strangely well when singing about puppy love. But unlike most other singers who cater for the tween pop market, Green is neither your regular heartthrob or really interested in high schoolers... on an earlier album "Songs To Remember" he has a song called "Jacques Derrida".

Which is probably why after "Provisions" I didn't much about Scritti anymore... what happened was Green got disillusioned by the music industry in the USA and returned to his native Wales... he came out with a hip hop rap album in the 1999 called "Anomie & Bonhomie". I haven't heard that album... but I've seen a few youtube clips and wasn't really impressed... the album kinda flopped and Green apparently went to live as a recluse in Wales, living off his 80s royalties.

And then... I came across a rather glowing review of his 2006 comeback album "White Bread Black Beer" on Pitchfork which got 8.1 from Nitsuh Abebe. I was obsessed with wanting a CD copy (yes I still do buy CDs!), eventually buying mine almost a year after it had been released down in good old Singapore.

*

Scritti Politti - White Bread Black Beer (Rough Trade, 2006)

1. The Boom Boom Bap
2. No Fine Lines
3. Snow in Sun
4. Cooking
5. Throw
6. Dr. Abernathy
7. After Six
8. Petrococadollar
9. E Eleventh Nuts
10. Window Wide Open
11. Road To No Regret
12. Locked
13. Mrs. Hughes
14. Robin Hood

The biggest shock that I got while listening to WBBB was Green's voice. You'd think it would've aged... but the unhealthy diet of the album title must be doing wonders for Green because he sounds the same as he did in 1988. Incredible... not many people would concur but I think Green's voice is sexy... he's also quite good looking too (I do have a thing for guys with beards!)... (If I could only have Green Gartside on one side of the bed and David Sylvian on the other both crooning to me at the same time, I'd die a happy man!).

The other big shock of WBBB was the mood of the album... unlike the glossy synthscapes of "Provision", WBBB was darker, featured guitars(!), the electronics more muted, and darker lyrics... about what I'm not exactly sure... but there's definitely a sense that age, experience, maturity, cynicism, opaqueness, and a quiet sense of resignation has crept in... in a good way, that is. No longer is the music in the service of puppy subject matter. Though some Scritti fans scoff at WBBB as not being as essential as his mid to late 80s stuff, I disagree vehemently.

WBBB is Scritti Politti's best collection of songs ever committed to record. It's intimate and mostly mellow, with melodic tunes that range from lovely to funny, uncluttered and yet full of interesting asides... like the Beach Boys-ish four-part vocal harmonies that introduce "Snow In Sun" one of my favourite songs on the album; the harmonies also pop up all over. And then there's that lovely intro to "Dr Abernathy" before it turns into the most upbeat song on the album about some guy who wants heroin... and mescaline... but it's balanced by a delicateness of touch... it could've easily become an indulgent album, with overly emo lyrics (Note to self: maybe tone down the emo, Jerome, for your next album...LOL) but Green knows when enough is enough and when to push a point just slightly that it stays like some seed in your head until one day you find that it's become some kind of park.

One of the reasons why I can't really dig heavy music is because I like to hear the words coming out of the singer's mouth. (Although for a while I liked death metal... but I think that was an isolated case of having a crush on this guy I knew who had a death metal band...LOL). Anyway, Green is a rather precise singer, and obviously the way he sings and the way WBBB was produced really gives prominence to the voice and words! Thank you!

The other shocking thing is WBBB is the quality of Green's songwriting. All the songs are really incredibly well-written... arrgghhh... why can't I write songs like this???!! It's because I'm not Green Gartside, that's why.... arrgghhh!!! Oh well... one must find peace with one's lot in life otherwise there'd be nothing but strife... I mean, how many pints of beer does it take to come up with easy-flowing subtle lyrics such as these?

from No Fine Lines:

And there are no fine lines
Or there are more than I can draw
Got crossed from here and there
Between each after and before
Tying everything together
So I can't make it anymore

from Dr Abernathy:

I wonder how I'm feeling now
I don't suppose I should've chosen that stuff
How much is enough
I don't quite hear the dime drop
The buck stop or the bells

I stole a glance at circumstance
It's way too big for them to figure outside
In the exercise yard
The three winds blow
The Dear Johns
It won't be long

Round and round, punks jump up
To get beat down
All the days of my life, love

from After Six:

Please keep your love away from me
Jesus keep your hands where I can see
There's nobody here you can trust
I'll break every bone if I must
Wisdom keep your hands away from me"

from Snow In Sun:

I was watching you sleep
I've been watching you dream
Should we be beset with trouble
I would never let you come to harm

Looks like maybe we'll lose our home
Out of pocket and all alone
I should've worked and I should've known
Seen the dirt clouds coming

And you will never be without me
I'll be beside you never doubt me
There'll be something good about me soon
Like sun on the London snow
Like snow in the London sun

from Window Wide Open:

Slept with her window wide open
And longed for the touch of (?)
Stroking her skin with true lover's fingers
From Parliament Hill down to Greenwich it lingers
The seconds in a small moonlit room
She remembers how love feels for you

(This song comes with a gorgeous guitar solo btw.)

It is pop, with tiny yet profound revelations and winsome tunes! (Oh how I love winsome tunes!) But it's also more. Well, whatever it is, who cares? It's one of my favourite albums... love it, love it!

There were no music videos shot for this album... here's one of Green performing for the Mercury Prize show. He lost to Arctic Monkeys that year. Jools Holland got the title wrong. It's actually "Snow In Sun" not "Sun In Snow"... ah but who knows where that sun really is?

Music Snob Journal #2: Joni Mitchell - Hejira

2009-02-21T07:49:00.000-08:00

Folk music is a strange genre because I think it's undefinable. And it's because there's an inherent conflict in the politics of folk music. On one hand, folk is the music of community, the common people, everyman and everywoman and everyone in between. Because of every folkie's unshaking belief in humanity, every folk song is a plea to the so-called emotional universality of human experience. And that is reflected in the obsession with acoustic instrumentation, poetic lyrics (but not overly abstract), nostalgia, outmoded genres... which is why when Dylan went electric at Newport, the hippies freaked out.

Many have accused Dylan of killing the scene, dividing what had been assumed as a folk renaissance in the US at the time. This was the 60s, an era of heightened political consciousness and experimentation with alternative lifestyles in the face of growing disillusionment with the superficiality of modern living in the post-WW2 years. But what Dylan really did instead was reveal folk music's internal conflict and gave the scene a much needed injection of reality.

The future of folk music was given a new trajectory: it would embrace that disillusionment. The hippies would have to choose: remain idealists or become more individualistic (or, more bluntly put, selfish, self-obsessed and self-serving)... Goodbye community. Hello me, myself and I...

When the loud blaring slick 70s and 80s came along, folk music and its quaint charms were seen to be anti-modern, old-fashioned, dull as unpolished brass.

On the other hand, one can think of folk music in a broader sense, that it's a genre of music of the people. And no matter what it's incarnation, the music that gets heard, that gets to the heart of the people (in spite of the marketing plan, or maybe because of it) is just folk music in the guise of pop, rock, hip hop... etc.

In that sense, folk never died. It merely found another door, different clothes, new instruments, louder amps, a new attitude, things that reflected the concerns of the society that produce and embrace it.

Still, neither definitions of folk music is really satisfactory. Such is the tyranny of genre labelling. When one tries to pin down something as ephemeral as culture, all one can find is that if you can pin it down, it's already dead.

Which is artists who are contrary, contradictory, seemingly of and outside of the age, culture and society they live in, are important. I regard such artists as embodiments of what's so wrong and so right about our lives. Someone like Britney Spears, for instance. I don't really like much the music she makes but I have to take my hat off to her. Because she channels that tunnel-vision obsessiveness with the narrative of the self that has become such a significant element of contemporary life. There is nothing but the self. And the self is really nothing but layers and layers of useless stories clad in designer clothes and glib pronouncements of "Yes, it took a lot out of me but I overcame my problems and now I feel OK." It's the journey of a fool to sage, with a few hairstyle changes to illustrate the transformation.

There is another journey that a musician can take... it's a bit lonelier. Because the cameras are not turned on 24/7, and the songs are less facile, less instant.

For me, it would be too easy to reduce contemporary society to a "confederacy of dunces", consumer-robots, proles. We are a violent society with violent urges. This is very Freudian, yes. Humans cannot be trusted with their own fates. Civilisation demands the force of state violence in order to keep it in line. We resist civilisation even as we embrace it. (Actually some of the most excitingly uncivilised people I've met in my travels through the social strata turn out to be the really rich, the modern nobility I guess.) Thus the fact that democracy cannot exist in its ideal state--otherwise it would just fall apart. In a way, I think this is the reason for that inherent conflict in folk music. To sing for an audience who instinctively wants to see the singer destroyed is not a career path for an idealist.

But there is that other path. And now I will write about one of its most well-known traveler... and whose journey, while not as prophetic as Dylan's, pioneered the later change in the American folk music scene more presciently. All singer songwriters born after 1969 owe a debt to this woman...

*

Joni Mitchell... Princess of Alberta, transplanted to California ... musical drifter... hippie diva... Queen of Woodstock (denied of her throne)... breaker of hearts from Laurel Canyon all the way to Paris and beyond...

Before there was Madonna or Bjork or even Kate Bush, there was Joni Mitchell. She may have held on to her wheat blonde locks and imposing canyon-dweller looks, but here was a female musician who broke barriers of genre before most people knew there were barriers to be broken.

OK. OK. Enough with the platitudes already. You can read all about her various achievements on her Wiki page.

I want to talk about one of her albums in particular. My favourite Joni album, that is: "Hejira".

You can also read the Wiki page on the album.

After all that has been written, what is there left to write? Not to worry... I'm in a verbose mood.

The first time I ever encountered Joni Mitchell's music was way back in 1984 or 85. My eldest brother Abraham was back then and still is a fan of folk and country music. And it was from him that I learnt about the song "Both Sides Now" which is Mitchell's signature song. But the version that I knew was not the original version recorded for Mitchell's second album "Clouds" (1969). But the Judy Collins' version which was a hit. But by the 1980s the song had already become a folk standard. And if you look it up now, you'll probably find that tons of people have covered the song over and over.

But learning to sing that song even via secondary sources, I had the feeling that here was a very special song. It wasn't like most other pop songs, which were usually straightforward and had no inherent wisdom to reveal. Mitchell's songwriting shone through... and though I didn't know at the time that she had written the song, I knew instinctively that it came from someone who saw life through ancient eyes.

Sometime in 1987 I saw a video clip of a song she did with Peter Gabriel, "My Secret Place" from the album "Chalk Mark In A Rain Storm" (1988). She wore Native American clothes... I was intrigued. She looked like some middle-class shaman wannabe... but she wore it well. At the time I was really into pop music... I was 12. So I was kinda scared of listening to more "exotic" stuff... I remember listening to Barbra Streisand's "The Broadway Album" and thought "What the fuck is this?" (I did eventually like that Barbra album. But you know that's something I'd rather not go into much detail about... maybe for my Music Embarassment Journal.)

In 1992, my curiosity got the better of me and I bought my first Joni Mitchell album. It was her early 90s comeback album "Night Ride Home" (1991). Compared to her earlier albums, "Night Ride Home" sounds more polished, less focused... but at the time, I really loved it. Her voice had already become its present-day tar-burnished croon. But she retained her ingenuity for melody and lyrics and that was enough for me...

So it was rather strange that I sort of sidestepped Mitchell's music the whole time I was abroad when I could've immersed myself in it. Granted during the nineties I was more interested in jungle, trip hop, and alternative rock... I had given up on folk music for a while... but when I moved to KL in 2000 and had a chance to frequent the music stores here, I took another look and found some of Mitchell's earlier albums.

And after listening to her "Hits" to acquaint myself with the Mitchell standards, I decided to pick up "Hejira". Later I listened to "The Hissing Of Summer Lawns" which I also love dearly and probably listen to more than "Hejira" but really the latter is a much more solid album. If I had to choose between the two, I would choose "Hejira".

*

Joni Mitchell - Hejira (Asylum, 1976)

1. Coyote
2. Amelia
3. Furry Sings the Blues
4. A Strange Boy
5. Hejira
6. Song for Sharon
7. Black Crow
8. Blue Motel Room
9. Refuge of the Roads

I don't know how Joni Mitchell writes her songs... I know she uses alternate tunings and strums strange rhythm patterns... but I just don't know how and where she comes up with the songs on "Hejira". Compared to earlier songs like "Both Sides Now" or "The Circle Game" or "Big Yellow Taxi"... the songs on "Hejira" just sound formless.

Music critics like to call the period during which "Hejira" came out her "experimental" period. Yes, she was experimenting... I don't think anyone has yet to come close to approximating the kind of musical hybrid she concocted here. She blended folk and jazz and rock elements into such a peculiar fusion, and with such strangely mystical and yet personal lyrics that it's hard to imagine how she ever thought that there would be an audience ready to embrace this back in 1976.

Granted she had already done her proto-experiments on previous albums like "Court And Spark" and "The Hissing Of Summer Lawns" but even those albums still hewed to a certain pop convention (although the latter had really taken off on its own tangent).

I can imagine "Hejira" putting off the purists of folk and jazz and rock. But rightly so, because "Hejira" is about a journey, the album title itself (which I long thought was a Native American word) actually comes from "hijrah" (as her Wiki page explains), referencing the Prophet Muhammad's escape from Mecca to Medina. Mitchell herself explained that the album was mostly written while travelling solo across the States.

It was an indulgent exploration of the self definitely... what is art if not that? And yet, to be able to produce a work of art that has true resonance for a broader audience... don't you need to be honest with your musical ambitions and remain true to your artistic muses, despite the society's preconditions? Mitchell is nothing if not a musician who is able to see both sides of the page. The complex songs on "Hejira" deal with contradictions, the conflicted soul in transition, wearing masks and casting them off, revealing the restlessness of someone who wants it all and yet is unsure of what she can offer in return except the restlessness itself.

All of it comes out in the song: the freeflowing lyrics, the doubled strums of her guitar, Jaco Pastorius's singing basslines, and Mitchell's vocal melodies that twist and turn like a figure skater across a vast expanse of frozen lake, with only the winter sky as audience.

My favourite song on the album is "Amelia". Of course. It's one of Mitchell's loveliest songs, in which she addresses the celebrated aviatrix Amelia Earhart, whose plane went down mysteriously somewhere in the South Pacific in 1937. Obviously Mitchell considers Earhart a kindred soul, imagining the pilotess to be her airborne counterpart...

"I was driving across the burning desert
When I spotted six jet planes
Leaving six white vapour trails across the bleak terrain
It was the hexagram of the heavens
It was the strings of my guitar
Amelia, it was just a false alarm

The drone of flying engines
Is a song so wild and blue
It scrambles time and seasons if it gets thru to you
Then your life becomes a travelogue
Of picture postcard charms
Amelia, it was just a false alarm

People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Others just come to harm
Oh Amelia, it was just a false alarm

I wish that he was here tonight
It's so hard to obey
His sad request of me to kindly stay away
So this is how I hide the hurt
As the road leads cursed and charmed
I tell Amelia, it was just a false alarm

A ghost of aviation
She was swallowed by the sky
Or by the sea, like me she had a dream to fly
Like Icarus ascending
On beautiful foolish arms
Amelia, it was just a false alarm

Maybe I've never really loved
I guess that is the truth
I've spent my whole life in clouds at icy altitude
And looking down on everything
I crashed into his arms
Amelia, it was just a false alarm

I pulled into the cactus tree motel
To shower off the dust
And I slept on the strange pillows of my wanderlust
I dreamed of 747s
Over geometric farms
Dreams, Amelia, dreams and false alarms"

The song echoes the bittersweet sentiments of her earlier song about altitude "Both Sides Now" but I think "Amelia" is the more interesting. It's more convincing... less sure... more fragile... more honest...

Other vignettes of lives on the verge of sublimation appear on the album... "Furry Sings The Blues" "A Strange Boy" "Black Crow" "Song For Sharon"... just beautiful... so easy to just disappear into the songs.

For me, the most outstanding quality of the album is its consolidation of its various parts. Listening to it is like listening to a complete suite of songs, thematic, melodic, self-contained and yet with an emotional reach that goes beyond. I've only heard it successfully pulled off on a few other occassions: Kate Bush's "Hounds Of Love", Judee Sills's "Heart Food", Joanna Newsom's "Ys", and Bjork's "Vespertine". But Joni Mitchell did it with much less... and much more...

Music Snob Journal #1: David Sylvian - Secrets Of The Beehive

2009-02-18T07:09:00.000-08:00

I first heard of David Sylvian sometime in the early 1990s. I was in my mid-teens then really had no idea about his work with Japan. Back in those pre-Google days, information came in books and magazines. And if you were growing up in a town like KK, with an allowance of RM50 a month, you would rather spend it on other more worthwhile things, like cassettes! (I remember when cassettes sold for RM12.90! LOL.) I was a cassette fiend. My family frowned upon the habit. I remember having to hide my latest purchases as though they were contraband. Ha ha ha...

Anyway, I didn't even hear the song, but I read the lyrics to a song he did with Ryuichi Sakamoto called "Heartbeat." And I fell in love with the words. I remembered saying to myself: I need to listen to this. So I pestered a friend to buy the CD for me from somewhere... which he did. (I didn't even have a CD player then! What was I thinking?) And I heard it... at first I wasn't too sure... what was this strangely languidly jazzy yet queer piece of sombre pop music? And why does he sound like that? What's wrong with his voice? Why does it quiver like that? Did he have a cold?

Of course, I was young and stupid then. I was still in training to become the music snob that I am today. It took a while...

I got reacquainted with David Sylvian a few years later while studying in Australia. A friend, Paul Bambury, lent me Sylvian's late nineties comeback album "Dead Bees On A Cake" (which was a sort of non-sequel to "Secrets Of The Beehive"; Sylvian had said somewhere that the bees are dead, so we shouldn't be expecting a part deux - love these pretentious artist types!). Though I liked some of the songs on that album, I wasn't entirely taken in by it. But it did change my mind about his voice. I love his voice now. He's one of my favourite male vocalists. Not to mention that he's also a hottie. (Sylvian was once voted one of the most beautiful people in the world back in the Japan days.)

Paul had also recommended me to listen to his third solo album "Secrets Of The Beehive" which he said was more interesting. I never got around to borrowing his copy however.

When I got to KL, of course, who should I meet if not another fellow Sylvian fan? Pang Khee Teik, who is more of a music snob than I am, lent me a Sylvian compilation called "Everything & Nothing" which had songs from almost all his albums, excluding the avant garde experimental instrumental stuff he did with Holger Czukay during the eighties. It was in this compilation that I first heard songs from "Secrets Of The Beehive". Paul was right. The songs from that album really had something special about them.

Then when I moved into Villa Scott, one of my flatmates Hari Azizan, also a fellow music snob, lent me her copy of the coveted album! Sometime later I got my own copy of the album, a remastered version.

*

David Sylvian - Secrets Of The Beehive (1987, Virgin Records)

1. September
2. The Boy With The Gun
3. Maria
4. Orpheus
5. The Devil's Own
6. When Poets Dreamed Of Angels
7. Mother And Child
8. Let The Happiness In
9. Waterfront
10. Forbidden Colors (on the original release)
10. Promise (The Cult Of Eurydice) (on the remastered version)

First of all, this album doesn't rock nor does it swing. If Duke Ellington had heard it, well... it really is white boy music... brother probably would've yawned. So let's leave that aside. It's not an album to put on for when the vodka shooters kick in. Sylvian's music, for better or worse, is poetry set to music. And not just any poetry... but the bookish, sensitive, haunted romantic soul kind.

Sounds bad, does it? Well... that's probably the reason why this album didn't break any sales record.

Unashamedly moody, "Secrets Of The Beehive" exists in its own storm-tousled universe. Like a troubadour of lonely shores and damp wilderness, Sylvian has gathered all the autumnal and wintry elements he could find, leeched out all traces of summer, and condensed them all in what would be his ultimate statement as a musician. The album is tender, melodic, poetic, haunted, timeless... I can just imagine him in a big black cloak dragging all the folds across some bare forest as he sang these songs, with a coven of crows tagging behind... but that would be too gothic... maybe he's just wearing a nice black suit and a guitar.

Musically the album is a cross between chamber folk and textured soundscapes (with a few avant jazz asides), with outstanding arrangements and performances by top notch musicians like Ryuichi Sakamoto (whose adventurous and exuberant piano appears on almost all the tracks). Strings, pianos, acoustic guitars, tape loops, double bass, flugelhorn, et al are fused into an multigenre hybrid.

Post rock comes to mind. But as I said, there's no rock here... although "Secrets Of The Beehive" share an almost similar mood as Bark Psychosis' "Hex", the two albums couldn't be more different. There's a polished lushness to the production on "Secrets Of The Beehive" that is so hi-fi it's almost embarassingly middle class.

And whereas "Hex" is all about mood and texture, the music on "Secrets Of The Beehive" is always in service of its narrative heart. , in the tradition of sixties and seventies concept albums. There's a story being told here. And its evident in the lyrics to the songs. From the first track to the last, Sylvian plays the poet, always opaque, not giving away anything. Every word is carefully chosen and placed in the melodies that sneak under and above the arrangements.

It's not all flawless, of course. Sylvian comes from the "schooled" school of verse. And some of the lyrics tend to come across as too... too... well... overly precious. Bring out the evidence, please...

From "Mother And Child":
"Shadows form knights and pawns
Upon the squares
Blood is drawn up from the well
Secret signs brought the crime
Right to your door
An innocent guilty as hell"

From "September":
"The sun shines high above
The sounds of laughter
The birds swoop down upon
The crosses of old grey churches
We say that we're in love
While secretly wishing for rain
Sipping coke and playing games"

From "Orpheus":
"Sunlight falls, my wings open wide
There's a beauty here I cannot deny
And bottles that tumble and crash on the stairs
Are just so many people I knew never cared
Down below on the wreck of the ship
Are a stronghold of pleasures I couldn't regret
But the baggage is swallowed up by the tide
As Orpheus keeps to his promise and stays by my side"

They're beautifully written, I can't deny that. The man is a skilled wordsmith. But at some point, you kind of tune out from what he's saying... because you're not really sure if you should be paying attention or not at all. Still it fits the sombre mood of the album...

One of the standout tracks, "The Boy With The Gun" has some of the more straightforward though harrowing lyrics about a mass murderer.
"He carves out the victim's names
In the wooden butt of the gun
He leans well back against the tree
He knows his kingdom's come
He'll breathe a sigh self satisfied
The work is in good hands
He shoots the coins into the air
And follows where the money lands"

Dark they may be, what makes this album bearable is really Sylvian's voice. If the material had been channelled through anyone else's pipes, it would've been either too dramatic or lack enough gravitas to pull it together. By the time this album came out, Sylvian's voice had deepened from the rather reedy voice of his younger Japan days, and has remained so until today.

A tad raspy but smooth like Cognac, Sylvian's voice has a gorgeous echoey baritone quality to it. It's very sexy... not like any other voice I've ever heard. Even when he reaches for the higher notes, that baritone doesn't let go. First time listeners may think it's rather monotonous... but that maybe because Sylvian doesn't do melismas...

But he does do that quiver... especially when he stretches a note at the end of a line. More of a tremolo than a vibrato. Sort of like how Billie Holiday does it. I love it. I love the thrill of hearing that trill in a voice. I try to emulate it all the time. And hearing David Sylvian do it is like having gold poured into my ears. Sonic orgasm...

Which goes to explain why I listen to this album almost once every week... it's definitely a keeper.

Politics

2009-02-17T22:39:00.000-08:00

This morning I was asked if I was a "political" person. I took it to mean if it meant that current political affairs concern me. My answer was both yes and no.

No, because politics is really boring to me. Not to mention depressing. Because if you take a step back and really look at Malaysian politics, it's really nothing but an elaborate power game played between neofeudalists. And I think that's just fucking boring. But still... what these overgrown boys get up to affects all of us.

The government issues our ICs and passports and licenses. They can put anyone of us under ISA for who knows what. The (blatantly racist) New Economic Policy determines which one of us gets a bigger piece of the pie (and let me remind you that it's not ideal). All things considered, how can anyone not be "political"?

So. Therefore. Yes, I am "political" person.

Being a "political" person, however, is not such a rare thing. Most of us are political without really knowing when or how or if we're involved in a political action. Being political need not necessarily mean attending marches or rallies or getting a elbow (or bladder) cramps from marathon letter-writing campaigns. It's about taking a stand. For something that you believe is right.

Of course, it doesn't mean one should be physically standing there in front of the enemy, waiting for someone to cast the first stone... please lah. That's just Hollywood bravado.

While sometimes taking it to the streets is the most dramatic way of bringing attention to an issue, I prefer political actions that are more creative in nature. That not only highlight the issue but connect it to something more or less fantastic. The Emergency Festival organised by Five Arts Centre last year was definitely a political action that was creative. I saw it as a big "fuck you" to the state sanctioned version of history, in particular the Malayan Emergency, which painted the Malaysian Communist Party and their guerilla struggle as terrorists and terrorism. But that was not the whole story. It was armed and it was violent, on both sides. And both sides had political agendas with consequences that affect us until today.

Marjane Satrapi's graphic novels and animated film "Persepolis" are not only touching works of autobiography but also reveal themselves to be a strong indictment against the government of Iran which has killed not only innocent people, but also more importantly, dreams, and replacing them with fear and suspicion.

Other examples abound.

Putting out zines, documentaries, films, books, paintings, letters to editors, making flags, coming up with new recipes, writing songs about it, etc -- these are all creative ways of stating one's political position. And the best thing about such strategies is that not only are they enjoyable to do, they present us as not merely pawns in someone else's political chessgame. We are all citizens with equal rights. Our level of education and stations in life should not hamper our access to those rights. Doing things that draw not only from our political stand but also from our creative ingenuity reinforces the reasons why these rights are vital in the first place: because we are humans. Our lives, no matter how inconsequential they may seem along the vast continuum of this planet's history, matter to us all. The fight against cynicism is vital. We are not machines along an assemblyline the state can turn on and off as it wishes.

And the way to make people stand up and notice when we stand up for ourselves and the people whom we care about is to do it creatively. With crayons and helmets and fairy dust!

LOL.

Anyway, this long and aimless and somewhat naive rant is really to say this: please RPK don't kill yourself because of "that man". It's not worth it. The country needs you to stay alive! it's the only way we'll understand that heroes don't have to be martyrs to win the battle.

Pink Punk

2009-02-17T10:01:00.000-08:00

During my eight-year musical sojourn in KL, one thing has struck me as particularly odd. That there's actually not that many gay men who are making music. Or at least not in the underground scene where I ply my so-called singer songwriter trade. (I don't really know about the pop world... but I reckon there's a few there.)

Not that the lack of representation is anything to be alarmed about.

But I wonder why it's so.

Why is it that underground music is predominantly populated by hetero dudes? Even when they wear really flamboyant clothes or have flirted with the frilly edges of questionable un-macho behaviour, they're very much straight. And they will tell it to your face if you dare so much as to "suggest" that perhaps the time has come to put the "experiment" to the "test".

LOL.

Which explains why I'm a bit of a loner on the indie circuit. Not only am I more or less a pink punk, I come with a history of social awkwardness. In the early days, I just didn't really know what to do or how to act around the "guys". I've always hung out in a close circle of gay friends. But wanting to do music and deciding to do it indie-style and all, I had to leave that comfort zone and hang out with all these straight guys. Which in a way represents a sort of a return to the dreaded "closet". But at the same time, it was also a bit of a relief to get away from all things pink.

Sei Hon, one third of the Troubadours alongwith with Azmyl, once jokingly commented that I was the straightest gay man he's ever known. Hurray? Must have been all those boob comments I was making... but you know it's true... I do notice women's boobs... and I can appreciate a girl just for her looks... shiver... and I have been known to drop a few misogynistic jibes... tsk tsk tsk... not to mention all those girls I've kissed... shameless is what this blog entry is...

Anyway, when I'm around the guys, I try my best at least not to "stare". Which is not always the easiest thing since some of the guys who go to the gigs are really cute... ah... I've had a few crushes... Shah the lead singer of Love Me Butch is right at the top of the list...

And who doesn't have a crush on Ron of Furniture? But since Ron's a good friend, you know... gay or straight... the rules are the same... bonking one's friends is a huge NO-NO... NO NO NO...

Ha ha ha... sorry Ron... didn't mean to single you out but it's so easy to tease you because you're such a lovable raging hetero hunk... ;-p

Anyway, among my peers, I can count maybe four or five gay musicians who are more or less "out". One of whom is a close friend, and we sometimes compare notes on who's cute and who's not... ha ha ha...

Still it's rather endearing how the indie community has more or less accepted as one of their own (well, in a cursory way, I guess). My sexuality doesn't really get discussed. Except once in a while, when one of the guys gets curious as to what really happens... hmm... those are times I wish their curiosity got the better of them... but maybe I'm not such a great seducer after all. In all my years as a wannabe musician, the only musician I've ever slept with didn't even really like my music. Ha ha ha... I swear it's an elaborate cosmic conspiracy to get me to write more depressing songs! Ha ha ha...

Nevertheless, it's very gratifying when a cute guy comes up to me after a gig or writes me an email and tells me he really likes my music... LOL... I remember this one cute guy who came up to me after a gig, with his girlfriend in tow. That was really sweet... but in a way it's good too... I'll never have the hangup of having too many groupies (what a liar!).

Thankfully for the scene there are a number of lesbian musicians, and they definitely outnumber their gay counterparts. It's a good thing. I'd like to see more women (doesn't matter if they're lesbian or not) in the local indie scene. I think the successes of young female talents like Liyana of Estrella, Yuna, and Zee Avi aka KokoKaina, definitely contributes to a more balanced musical diet for the rest of us.

Are there any local gay musicians that I look up to? I wish I could name them here. But it's probably not a wise thing to out them unnecessarily. At the end of the day, the merits of a good musician should not be decided based on his or her sexual preferences. God knows I wouldn't want to be known as a "gay musician", though I don't mind being known as a musician who is incidentally gay.

Even though this whole blog entry just contradicted that last point.

I can't help it. I'm queer. And most of my songs are about the guys I failed to secure.

Just goes to show that you don't have to be straight to go emo... LOL...

The Actors Studio Farewell Gigs

2009-02-16T10:29:00.000-08:00

All good things come to an end... The Actors Studio at Bangsar Shopping Centre is closing down after many years of presenting some of the best theatre in town. I remember watching many plays, dance and music performances there, including Jit Murad's Spilt Gravy On Rice which remains one of the best Malaysian plays I've ever seen ... but I've never performed there myself... (Why ah?)

... until now that is! I'll be performing three songs this Friday at TAS Bangsar, alongside a whole lot of other talented musicians, as part of the theatre's farewell celebrations this weekend (which goes on with more celebrations next week!!!).

Still, it's a bit of a shame that my first and only time performing on the stage of TAS Bangsar will also be the last. It's like finally getting to score with the guy I've been eyeing for the longest time only to find out he's leaving for Antartica the next day. Bummer...

Well, at least it'll be a blast... I haven't performed alongside these guys and gals for a while so I'm definitely looking forward to be part of it all.

All the gigs are FREE btw! Just pick up your tickets from the box office!

The full lineup below:

Friday 20 February, 8.30pm
Tan Sei Hon
Ida Lisa
Jerome Kugan
13 Voices In My Head
Peter Brown and Markiza
Tony Leo
With guest appearances by Pang Khee Teik and Priya K

Saturday 21 February, 8.30pm
Blister
Ariff Akhir
Wani Ardy
Azmyl Yunor
Edwin & Albert
Silent Scenery
With guest appearances by Fahmi Fadzil and Ciplak

Sunday 22 February, 3pm
Otam
Ian Chow
Jasemaine Gan
Izzy Mohamed
Broken Scar
Rashdan Harith
With guest appearance by Farah Rani

All shows hosted by the irrepressible Fahmi Fadzil!

Happy Valentine's Day, Julien

2009-02-13T09:29:00.000-08:00

High Priestess Of Torch

2009-02-12T23:48:00.000-08:00

When I listen back to my songs, a fair majority of them tend to deal with themes other than romantic love. It's true. I don't write much about love. Most of the songs on Songs For A Shadow deal more with death, loneliness, social injustice, imaginary people, etc. Only one or two vague pronouncements of love... hmm...

But lately I've been writing more about love. I guess it's because I came late into it. During my twentysomething years, I was very much skeptical that such a thing existed. I thought love was really more about business... even though I did fall head over heels for a few hopeless guys...

It took a while to understand how wonderful love is. And how actually to sustain it... not to say that I have. It takes a lot of commitment. And a kind of understanding beyond words. Also chemistry. Also patience. Little things, big things... the right situation, the right timing... there's no easy formula.

And yet... in music... love is such a cliche. Because they often can't describe fully how it feels like to be in love. Some songs come close though. Especially the sad ones. Maybe I'm just a sad feller, but I prefer listening to sad love songs than happy ones. Happy love songs somehow have never conveyed for me the reality of the hapless state of love.

There's a song called "It's Only A Paper Moon" where the lyrics go: "Say, it's only paper moon/ Sailing over a cardboard sea/ But it wouldn't be makebelieve/ If you believed in me". It's kind of sweet and rather witty. And most probably inspired by the fake sets of the Hollywood musicals where many of these chirpy lovey dovey songs were first launched into the popular imagination.

I prefer the more tragic side of the love song genre. And no one does it better than Billie Holiday, of course. The woman is tragedy herself. On "I'm A Fool To Want You", the opening song from one of her last studio albums "Lady In Satin", her voice has been reduced to a painful croak from years of alcohol and drug abuse, she sings of hopelessly pining for someone who... well... basically... doesn't love her back, and she knows it.

"I'm a fool to want you
I'm a fool to want you
To want a love that can't be true
A love that's there for others too

I'm a fool to hold you
Such a fool to hold you
To seek a kiss not mine alone
To share a kiss that Devil has known

Time and time again I said I'd leave you
Time and time again I went away
But then would come the time when I would need you
And once again these words I had to say

Take me back, I love you
...I need you
I know it's wrong, it must be wrong
But right or wrong I can't get along

Without you"

But she can't help herself... I know the feeling... and I suspect a lot of people have felt it at least once... especially those of us who fall for the philandering type. Ah... love... what a fabulously twisted thing...

It's not easy to carry songs of unrequited love, of regret, loss and madness... it takes real life experience. And Billie Holiday definitely had tons of it. Abandoned as a child, raped, hanging out with men of dubious character... it would make anyone run to the pharmacy. Naturally, for someone with so much grief and with that amazing voice, Billie channeled her despair through her music, offering generations of depressed fools a voice of cold consolation.

Whereas other singers often try to pep you up, kick you out of your low spirits, Billie just pours it on, telling you like it is, bourbon and all. And I think that's why she's stuck around for so long. The sorrow is so direct, and yet so cleverly twisted around her handling of the melody, her vibrato like some kind of glass hammer on the fragile node of one's psyche. When I first listened to Billie about 15 years ago at the age of 18, I thought, "My god, she needs help" and later after listening to the whole CD "My god, I need help". She has that effect.

Anyway, I love Billie, amongst others... she's not the only one that I like though. Next diva would be Sarah Vaughan.

Get Ready For The Massacre

2009-02-12T23:43:00.000-08:00

Yep. I'll be performing this Friday and Saturday night at The Annexe Gallery with lots of other people at Torch Song Massacre.

All the performers are partnered up. I'm partnering with Sherry, one of my favourite local singer songwriters. Together we're doing a 4-song set, each doing an original song and a cover. My original song is "You Will Be Mine", which I wrote last year and have been performing in most of my recent gigs. It's a song based on Thomas Mann's novel Death In Venice. And also I'm covering Soft Cell's "Tainted Love" -- a favorite of mine from the New Wave scene of the 1980s. Sherry will accompany me on both songs. He truly is an amazing guitarist!

I'm dedicating both songs to Julien, my ex. Some of my friends may think that's rather tragic. But since the two nights are about tragic love songs... LOL... I think the gesture is rather fitting.

+ + + +

TORCH SONG MASSACRE
Two Nights of Tragic Love Songs - On Friday the 13th & Valentine's Day

Fri 13 & 14 Feb, 2009, 8.30pm
Presented by The Annexe Gallery
Admission RM25 (Adults), RM20 (Students)

+ + + +

Ah... tragic love songs. They have given cold comfort to countless lonely, miserable fools who are carrying their torches for their lost loves, keeping their flames alive in vain.

Where would we be without these gloomy tunes to soundtrack our pitiful moments of rejection and despair? From Billie Holiday to Madonna to P Ramlee, self-piteous tragic love songs are proof that not even the wisest among us have figured out that love comes with no warranty. But we know you love the pain.

Come join us at The Annexe Gallery as we present Torch Song Massacre, two nights of tragic love songs as performed by some of KL's best music and stage talents, including: Shanon Shah, Azmyl Yunor, Junji Delfino, David Gomes, Shanthini Venugopal, Llew Marsh, Zalina Lee, Sherry, Panda Head Curry?, 13 Voices In My Head, Jerome Kugan + special guest Rohaizad Suaidi.

Come with your Valentine date, or lone ranger if you must, and watch in delightful horror as these masters of tragedy butcher your favourite songs of heartbreak and make you cry, laugh and cry some more.

There will be a Mystery Misery Lucky Draw for the unfortunate ones in the audience!
For the rest, there will be a bar set up where you can drown your sorrows at reasonable prices.

Au Contraire, Mein Herr

2009-02-06T21:50:00.000-08:00

Contrary to common knowledge, I don't not follow the political goings-on in our fairly unjust country. Two in particular which have really captured the country's attention have also swung like a gaggle of hooting macaques into my brain.

Yes.

Macaques... dreadful animals...

1. The Kugan Case
I had wanted to do a funny blog on the Kugan police brutality case but that would've been tasteless... our collective modesty should be outraged. Killers in uniform!

Even if Kugan had been guilty of theft, his sentence wouldn't have been death. No one has the right to take another person's life away like that. The police force is meant to protect, not kill. It's not the first case, for sure. I can only imagine the countless number of unreported cases. The police department and related governing bodies have to be made accountable for this. And the officers should be charged and tried and imprisoned for what they did. No one should be above the law.

Still it was kind of uncanny when I read the news online while back home for CNY and saw "Kugan Murders" among the headlines. A friend remarked to me a few days ago that he was so glad that I'm safe. He had thought I got thrown into jail and had been lynched because of my piercings. LOL. And then came that I Am Kugan campaign... oh...

"No, but I am actually Kugan."
"No, you're not."
"Yes, I am."
"How can you be a real Kugan if everyone claims to be Kugan?"
"?"

2. Silver Frogs
And then there is Perak... what can I say? It's undemocratic, unethical. And people are asking: "How can? How can?" Oh yes they can! They've done it before... in Sabah in the 1990s... when the Federal government manouevred and brought down the-then-Opposition Parti Bersatu Sabah.

Ironically, if I'm not mistaken, that manure-vre was executed by then DPM Anwar. And now, well... Najib may seem villainously triumphant, but the real disappointment was how Pakatan wanted to do it in the first place, after the March 8 elections. They didn't manage to pull themselves together to do it, of course. But the intention was made public. And now everyone's crying foul over BN's wangledoodling.

Clearly, something is very amiss with Pakatan's political mission.

Which makes me think: what really is Malaysian politics if not just another pissing contest for overgrown boys in overpriced silk batik drag?

Video Stars

2009-02-05T20:17:00.000-08:00

Everyone loves YouTube for personal reasons.

I like watching music videos. And I've embedded some of my favourites here.

I like it when they're trashy and funny. Or weird and fantastic.

:-)

[Note: Those who are reading this on Facebook will have to hop over to my blog to see the vids.]

The selection below includes vids by Roisin Murphy, Goldfrapp, Grace Jones, Bjork, Bonnie "Prince" Billy, Grizzly Bear, Jose Gonzalez, Sufjan Stevens and Ed Bassmaster... yes, Ed Bassmaster the guy who likes dogs...

Roisin Murphy hangs out with trannies in "Movie Star"

Goldfrapp celebrates trashy glamour in "Ride A White Horse"

Grace Jones wants to eat you in "Corporate Cannibal"

Bjork rides a river with strange friends in "Wanderlust"

Bonnie "Prince" Billy pays strangers to make out in "Lay & Love"

Grizzly Bear sink in quicksand in "Knife"

Jose Gonzalez flirts with paperdolls in "Hand On Your Heart"

Sufjan Stevens performing "To Be Alone With You" live - nothing special about the vid, I just love the song :-)

And of course... Ed Bassmaster... "I Like Dogs"

In Search Of The Perfect Rabbit

2009-02-04T21:53:00.000-08:00

I plan to have two tattoos done this year. One will be a rabbit.

Of course, the hardest thing about tattoos is not so much the pain or the cost. But the design...

So I'm looking for the perfect rabbit.

Nothing cute.

Nothing furry.

Nothing stupid.

I found this image of a rabbit online and really like it. Pensive and ambivalent.

I think I'll borrow and turn it into a tat.

:-)

Comic Intervention

2009-02-02T00:13:00.000-08:00

Yeah... life sometimes take a tumble through the Republic of Self-Piteous Miserablisms.

Although I have much to be thankful for in my life - wonderful friends in KL, a nifty job, family members who love me despite my strangeness and loving vibes all around - there is still that heartbrake episode early this year that I'm still trying to get over.

It comes and goes. I've written poems about it... LOL... click here to read them...

But... as I've said, it comes and goes. Some days I feel like screaming. Some days I'm fine and dandy. Today's one of those days when I'm just sadly reminiscing about his face, his smell, his hair, his voice, his conversation topics...

Oh well... it's strange. I don't usually write such frank things about my personal life. I guess he affected me more than I thought was possible. And he's still affecting me... the motions, people... it's the motions!

His name I've already mentioned in a previous post about that song.

Hey... look on the bright side... maybe I can milk more songs and poems out of this... LOL.

Still... however... alas... would anyone forgive me if I say that all I really want more than anything is to be with him again?

So fuckin sad.

Oh well... at least it'll prepare me for the Torch Song Massacre gig at Annexe Gallery... I'll be singing tragic love songs for it... how fuckin awful... someone drown me in KY jelly now!

Time to suck my thumb and listen to Bonnie...

Happy Chinese New Year 2009

2009-01-23T04:14:00.000-08:00

Behold a sexy image for CNY I did in Photoshop with two images I stole online. Why? Just because CNY imagery can sometimes get a bit too dim...

Yes... I am half Chinese, which is why I celebrate Chinese New Year. My mum is Hakka and dad was Sino Kadazan, making me actually 3/4 Chinese, with the Kadazan side making up the rest of it.

Still, I don't look very Chinese... in fact, when in KL most people think I'm Malay.

When I was studying in Australia or other countries overseas, people have mistaken me for Thai, Filipino, Vietnamese, Japanese, Singaporean (?) and even Sydney-ite... but never Malaysian. LOL...

Sadly, with 3/4 Chinky lineage... I never learnt neither my mother nor father tongue. I can say a few words in Hakka, with a horrible accent... I can understand the general drift of Cantonese because I used to watch HK TVB soaps with my mum. But no Kadazan... sad... it's rather embarassing when I meet other Sabahans and they ask me something in Kadazan and I'm like "Par lez vous Anglais?"

To make things worse, I'm not a very Chinese or Asian kind of person. Neither am I very Western (I'm a "failed banana", a friend once commented)... but I eat almost everything and I can take cili padi (LOL). My outlook on life is just kinda bohemian, I guess, though lacking the pretentiousness that would've made it a bit more classy in that bourgeois fashion. When I'm on my own, I don't really think much of race. And since I grew up in a very urban environment, the culture that I relate to is popular culture, though this doesn't exclude the allure of myth and folklore.

I guess I am Malaysian in that sense... a kind of amalgamated identity... a postcolonial creation.

Still, Chinese New Year is the one time I set aside for family. I've only ever missed the reunion dinner twice in my 33 years. And I don't intend to miss anymore.

What was the point of this post?

Oh yea... Happy Chinese New Year!

Gigs in February, March & April

2009-01-23T01:22:00.000-08:00

Hurray! I got a few gigs lined up in the next three months! Got the dates here just in case you're too poor to afford Coldplay tickets...

13 + 14 Feb - Torch Song Massacre @ The Annexe Gallery
A whole lot of musicians, singers, actors will come together for two nights of torch and unrequited love songs at The Annexe Gallery. (PS: Valentine's Day gifts most welcome...) More details to be announced very soon.

20 Feb - TAS Finale Gig @ The Actors Studio Bangsar
Yes, TAS is closing down... sigh. To celebrate all the great memories that have transpired there, there will be three nights of music and reading performances by some of the best singer songwriters in KL. I'll be playing a 15-min set on the first night's bill. More details later...

9 Mar - Acoustic Monday @ No Black Tie
I'll be doing a double bill with Sherry & Nizam - I love these guys! - at NBT. I'll be doing two 35-minute acoustic sets of originals and covers. Admission free.

29 Apr to 9 May - Bali Spirit Festival 2009 @ Ubud, Bali
Woo-ha! I'll be letting my hair down (I'll buy a wig) in Bali for a whole week. Bali Spirit Fest is a five-day celebration of yoga, dance and music - perfect for a hedonist bohemian like me. (PS: Spacecake most welcome!)
More details later...

Meandering thoughts on the next album...

2009-01-22T00:19:00.001-08:00

There's a reason why there's a taboo against talking about projects at their infancy stage. But since I'm an imbecile...

... I'm going to wax meanderingly about the second album, which so far is only a figment of my imagination.

The working title for the project is "City Of Mud" taken from the title of one of the songs that I've written for the album.

The image that you see here is not really the real deal... LOL... just a photoshop oddity I got up to one night while bored and restless. I must say however I do look sullenly sultry... vomit... "Here's looking at you, muddy boy!"

Basically I've written more than 25 songs for the second album and I've chosen from the lot (which also includes leftover songs written for the first album) about a dozen which I like very much to work on. The songs I've picked also kind of describes some of my life experiences in KL.

That may make it sound kinda autobiographical. It is to a certain extent. But it would've been excruciatingly bumdrum if it was 100% drawn from life. There's no real narrative concept to it. Just impressions. The real challenge would be the recording of it, how to string the different songs together to make an interesting listening experience.

I've been making home recordings of the new songs and using those as demos for my producer. I don't know if Hardesh likes them... ha ha ha... he hasn't said anything about them so far... but it's because he's busy with other projects (he just flew off to Rotterdam on Sunday to stage a sound installation there for the film fest - All the best, Hardesh!).

The demos are also very helpful in helping me imagine what direction to take the songs... I've been listening to them a lot... not only because I'm narcissistic... but also because I'm trying to figure out the drumbeats, bass parts, other instruments... and backing vocals... and how the songs should be produced... This is the difficult part about being an independent musician I guess. But I'm pretty good at it... that's why I like working with collaborators... not just because I'm not really technical with the actual playing of the instruments, but also it's nice to go "blonde" once in a while... "So how should the drumbeats for this song go?" "Don't know."

Imbecile.

I don't know when the recording process is going to start. Definitely don't want it to stretch over one and a half years like the first one. But these things follow their own schedule...

Also, I need to look for money first... I reckon I'll need about RM8K to RM10K to produce this next album... why such a high price tag? Strings! I want a string quartet on at least half the songs!!! :-P

I was listening to Judee Sill last night before I went off to bed... and I was thinking, "Shit that bitch was amazing!" She had these amazing transitions...

Anyway... got to go listen to the demos again...

Now I Know How It Feels

2009-01-19T20:43:00.000-08:00

Those of you who bought the CD would already know that after "The Little Cat Song" there's a hidden track. It's called "Now I Know How It Feels". For a while it was up on MySpace. But I took it down to make way for other songs.

I've always liked hidden tracks. They're often quite fun and very different from the rest of the album (but not necessarily so). I knew I wanted a hidden track on Songs For A Shadow and I thought yeah, why not put in something that's fully electronic and MIDI-fied. But I didn't really know what was supposed to be the hidden track...

... anyway, I started writing the song sometime in early- or mid-2007, using a MIDI loop I salvaged from an earlier MIDI composition I had composed in Cakewalk. (FYI: I've been writing MIDI compositions in Cakewalk since 2000. Using Windows MIDI patches no less... ha ha ha. It all sounds very 8-bit.) I started building the song bit by bit, over a few months, while noodling and recording on the side. Finally around June or July, after more or less finalising the MIDI arrangement for the song, I got around to writing the lyrics for it and what came out was basically a kind of a song about realisations or a mini enlightenment.

Many times in the past I've heard people talk about this or that... describing what they're going through... and I'd be like "Oh OK." Which is my stock reply for "Yeah... I don't really know what you mean but I'm going to go along with it anyway." But I've grown a bit older now (in 2007, that is -- I know even more now... LOL). The lyrics themselves are not thoroughly revealing. It's a sketch of a feeling, or a moment. It's not really saying anything much beyond its own simple vagueness... but one can project into the lyrics any number of moods or feelings or thoughts.

Looking back almost a year since I've finished recording the album, I feel the whole of the Songs For A Shadow is really just a sketch of what I think an album should be about. The vagueness of the words was necessary (Jeez how glib is that?), because it describes exactly the state of mind I was in at the time (I'm such a blondie yaar). In a way, I think I was still looking for a way to tell a story in song form... with all the constraints that come with the verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridge-chorus form... looking for the magic words, I guess...

Recording Now I Know was a very quick affair. It was one of the last songs to be recorded. I had thought that maybe it needed a bit more mixing or use different patches... but Hardesh thought it sounded just fine. So I just brought my old Acer laptop and plugged it straight into Hardesh's mixer. He recorded it as is, added a bit of reverb or delay... can't remember... and then we did two or three vocal takes with a few punch-ins... I asked Hardesh to add a bit of fuzz on my vocals just to "roughen" it up a bit... LOL...

And that was that...

*
NOW I KNOW HOW IT FEELS

Every time the rain washes away the city streets
And the pavements turn to sheets of silver glass
Every surface is absorbing light like little seeds
Seeds of memory, or someone’s history

Now I know how it feels
Now I know how each and everything’s connected
From the leaf to the grass to the sky to the clouds
From the end of her hair to the start of his smile

Now I know how it feels
Now I know how it feels

And every time a sound of gunshot echoes inside my brain
There’s a face of loveliness comes to explain
Every act has a consequence for enemies and friends
Acts of love, acts of hate where there’s only pain

Now I know how it feels
Now I know how each and everything’s connected
From the leaf to the grass to the sky to the clouds
From the end of her hair to the start of his smile

Now I know how it feels
Now I know how it feels

From the trees to the sun to the mouth to the stars
From the touch of his hand to the shiver in her thighs
From the force to surrender to the heart and the lies
From the tip of his nose to the shine in her eyes

Now I know how it feels
Now I know how it feels

JK performs at Eco Film Fest 2008

2008-10-31T00:31:00.000-07:00

The Eco Film Fest 2008 is an event dedicated to raising awareness about the environment, and it's happening this weekend on the grounds of Aswara. I was supposed to update the blog with info about this event much earlier but my busy work schedule at the gallery, technical problems and bouts of cold has kept me a bit cincau.

Check out the website about the Fest. http://www.ecoknights.com/component/option,com_frontpage/Itemid,1/

And also here for the music performance schedule. http://www.ecoknights.com/content/view/180/66%20/

For my performance slot on Saturday 1 November 5pm at the Fest, I'll be performing a purely a capella set of four songs. Two originals and two covers.

1. Homesick
2. Flowers
3. Lush Life
4. Famous Blue Raincoat

See you there!

Alvin - A Short Story by JK

2008-10-24T05:48:00.000-07:00

I wrote this short story back in 2003/4. To this day, it remains unpublished, as most of my writings are. It was part of a manuscript that I submitted to a publisher way back when. The publisher rejected the manuscript as being "pornographic" so that was that. I also once submitted it for the fiction section of Options/Off The Edge. The magazine chose another story, because Alvin's subject matter was deemed a bit risque. Still, I think it's one of my "better" stories, although it's hard to subjective about stuff like that.

Though it's unpublished, I've read it on two rather significant occasions. The first was at the Ubud (Bali) Writers Festival in 2005 to which I was invited. There I read it as part of a panel on erotic writing. The story has elements of eroticism. I'll let you find that out for yourselves. The other occasion was at the Heartbreak Heroes reading at Indignation Singapore earlier this year. There I read it as part of a Malaysian contingent of writers talking about queer sexuality.

People have asked me whether the story is autobiographical. It is and it is not. It's an amalgamation of experiences of going out and clubbing and shagging and falling in and out of love in my then-newly adopted home KL. The title of the story is inspired by the Malaysian actor Alvin Wong, whom I had a silly crush on for a little while. (LOL.) But the character of Alvin is totally fictional. The narrator Jay, of course, is based on myself, but he's not really me. I think, in real life, I'm more like Alvin. Maybe the two are composites of me. How's that for an exercise in narcissicism? LOL.

There have been two main versions of the story. The first version had a sillier ending. I changed it this year when I took the story down to Indignation. But just to make sure it wasn't all serious, I added a "notes for a sequel" to the end of the latest version just for fun. I've thought about turning Alvin into a whole novel... who knows?

Here it is... Enjoy!

* * * *

ALVIN

He told me he lived in Brickfields. I told him I wasn’t expected home. My bf and I had a quarrel. He found out about Mark. The door banged shut in my face. Nine hours ago, I’d never have thought I’d end up here, in a car park. With this gorgeous boy looking at me.

“My flat mate went back to Ipoh for the weekend. You can stay.”

I got in the front passenger seat and he started up the car. Small talk filled the space between us as his Kancil navigated the empty Chinatown streets. At a traffic light junction somewhere near the train station, his left hand fell on my right thigh. I looked at him and he was smiling at me.

I reached out my right hand to touch his lips. Touch his face. Feel the light stubble on his cheek. His small deep-set eyes highlighted his high forehead and prominent temples. His wispy eyebrows made him look young. And he wore glasses, just like me.

Then the light changed.

All I could think of was how lucky I got my wallet and ATM card in time before the bf threw me out. Since he wouldn’t have cooled down anytime in the next 48 hours, I punched out some cash, called up my best friend Ming and decided to go clubbing.

We went to Liquid first. It was one of those strange Saturday night crowds. Flash but cheap, too young too much, jailbait trash. It made us 27-year-old feel so ancient. Still, eye candy is eye candy.

While scoping the scene on the balcony, we spotted Tolkien. We left before closing time and went for some Hokkien noodles. We walloped the meal bitching about each other’s psychotic monkeys.

Ming told us about Henry, his 17-year-old Thursday-night cottaging belt-notch who had been calling him every hour for the past two days and pleading with him to commit to an LTR.

“Why did you give him your real handphone number? Stupid.”

“I don’t know. I came in his mouth and I was feeling good. Plus he had a nice ass that I was thinking of saving

for next week.”

“Serves you right.”

“I thought he was cute. He has very nice eyes. Very sincere.”

“It’s usually the cute ones who are most fucked up.”.

Then pink-cheeked Lewis narrated the story of Mel, the hairdresser who had been accusing him of sleeping with his 25-year-old bf who just moved to Hong Kong.

“This guy,” Tolkien pointed to his head, “is just really screwed up. I don’t even know him and I only slept with his bf once. But that was before they became a couple. And I heard they broke up last year. That’s already more than two years ago I fucked the boyfriend. And he’s still worked up about it. He has the cheek to be angry with me. What about my feelings? What about the fact that he was sleeping with my bf before I broke up with him? KL is full

of neurotic psychos, I tell you. Stupid neurotic psychos.”

“How old is he?”

“Forty, I heard.”

“No wonder-lah. Getting old. It’s the gay midlife crisis. They realise they don’t want to grow up anymore. So they just become senile.”

“I just pray I don’t turn out like that.”

“And become a paedophile some more.”

“Or worse ...”

The two of them looked at me.

“… have a Malay bf.”

After noodles, we three decided to check out Backroom. One of Tolkien’s friends phoned us up and told us it was really happening. Not to mention: free entry.

I think I saw him for the first time in the toilet at Backroom. I was in there after two whole hours dancing non-stop, dousing my face with water, trying to cool down. At the next sink, a shirtless guy was literally taking a shower, splashing his naked torso with handfuls after handfuls of water.

He had just stepped off the urinals. He must have seen me perving on the other guy cause when it was his turn at the faucet, he turned to me and smiled. I smiled as a reflex. Then he wiped his hand on his pants and left.

“What’s your bf’s name?”

“You really want to know?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Just curious.”

“I think you know him.” I took a sip of Coke. “You really want to know?”

“You’re going to tell me or not?”

“No.”

I stalked him around Backroom, like I was planning to rape him. He was hanging out with some people who looked like they were gay so I assumed that he was one himself. It seemed like ages before I worked up enough courage to go up to him and introduce myself. It was when his friends were all dancing that I did it. I yelled over the pounding techno music, asking him for the time.

“It’s 5:27.” He yelled back.

“Thanks.”

He went back to looking at his friends on the dance floor.

I tapped him again on the shoulder. “Do you have

a cigarette?” Holding imaginary cigarette to my mouth.

He shook his head. “I don’t smoke.”

Remembering I had a packet of Strepsils in my pocket, I offered them to him, nodding my head.

He looked at it carefully, took one, popped it in his mouth and smiled. “Thanks.” He then showed me a bottle

of mineral water, nodding his head.

I nodded in return and he watched me take two gulps. “Thanks.”

I gave him back the bottle. “No problem.” Then he held out his hand. “What’s your name?”

“Jay.”

“Alvin.”

“Nice to meet you, Jay.”

“Nice to meet you too.” I pointed to his friends on the dance floor. “Your friends?”

“Yeah. You alone?”

I shook my head. We watched the crowd dancing under the crazy laser show. Those who weren’t, including us, were nodding in time to the music. I was thinking of things to say. “You’re not dancing?”

“Tired. Dancing all night.”

“How come I didn’t see you?”

“I danced four straight hours at Movement. My friends wanted to come here so I came. But no more for me. How about you?”

“Just taking a break. I was dancing at Liquid.”

“How was Liquid tonight? I wanted to go but my ex was there.”

“Who’s your ex?”

He lived on the 26th floor of his apartment block. It took a while. Slow elevator. Used the time to check him out carefully. He wasn’t very tall. Could tell his body was slight, maybe even bony, under the white shirt and the khakis. His pale skin, under the harsh fluorescent light, gave off a corpse-like glow. His face had a few pimple scars. A veiny forearm. Walking behind him, I also noticed his hair was thinning.

We stopped when we reached 119. All this time, we had been so quiet it was such a relief to hear the key turning in the lock on his door.

As he shut the door behind me, the darkness of his apartment engulfed us.

I felt his hand reach for the waist of my jeans him pulling me close to him.

His lips found mine. I had to lean against a wall to stop falling over as he leaned into me and rubbed his crotch into mine. His tongue surged into my mouth. He tasted of beer and Strepsils. For a second, I couldn’t tell whose tongue was whose. We reeked of second-hand smoke.

“What made you come up and start talking to me

in Backroom?” His head was on my chest and I was running my hand through his hair. Or trying to. It was impenetrable with gel.

“When you turned and smiled at me in the toilet. I wanted to see if I had a chance.”

A moment passed and he looked up at me. “You wanted to see if you had a chance?”

I smiled. “A chance to see that smile again.”

He smiled. “Are you serious?

“Of course, I’m serious.”

“Wow. You’re such a romantic.”

I thought about it for a second. It’s true. I am a romantic.

“Someone told me once that true romance doesn’t exist because there’s nothing true about romance.”

“You don’t believe in romance?”

“I don’t know. I think romance is like one of those lies we’ve been taught to revere. It doesn’t make it any less real than other emotions. Romance is just a beautiful lie.”

It was true, what he said. “I can only tell lies to someone I really care about.”

“I don’t know if that kind of lying is good.”

“I don’t know either.”

The morning light peeked through the thick dark curtains of his bedroom. We could hear the silent hiss of

the air-conditioner.

“I don’t usually have this sort of conversation after sex.”

“No, neither do I.” Whoever broke the boy’s heart left him nothing, I thought to myself.

“Most guys just roll over and sleep. Or smoke and then sleep.”

I wished I had a cigarette then.

“I once had this guy who sweated a lot when he slept. I couldn’t handle that. He thought it was nice and cosy. But it was like sleeping in a sauna.”

“That’s nothing,” I boasted. “I had this guy who insisted on putting his thing in my … you know. I couldn’t go to sleep at all. I kept having this urge to shit.”

He laughed. I made him laugh. It felt good. To have someone’s body next to mine, laughing like that. It felt really good. I held him tighter and kissed him on the head. That made him stop laughing.

“What was that for?”

“I don’t know.”

The silent pause again. We were both tired. We should have been asleep by then but something kept us awake.

“My father kisses me like that, on the head. Even now, once in a while, when I go back home to Ipoh and I’m sitting down quietly, he would come up to me and kiss me on the head. He doesn’t say a word. He’s getting old. I guess it’s his way of showing love. He’s always loved me more than my sisters.”

“Does he know?”

“No.” His fingers play with mine. “Does your family know?”

“Only my sister.”

“I used to have this fantasy that I would bring my bf back home and introduce him to my family.” I heard him sigh. “But it doesn’t work like that.”

“You can do it with a girlfriend.”

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

After what seemed like forever molesting me in the dark hallway, just groping me and rubbing me all over with both his hands, Alvin finally tore himself away from me. He turned on one of the apartment lights and led me into

the living area. He asked me if I wanted a drink.

He disappeared behind a wall. I cast a quick glance over the interior of the apartment. The walls white, the tiles a fake marble grey, the furnishings spare and either white, black, brown or blue. He didn’t seem to be adventurous when it came to decorating. But maybe it wasn’t up to him how the flat looked like.

“It’s not a lot to look at but it takes care of my needs.” He was already beside me, handing me a glass of Coke. “Malena likes it minimal and functional. She’s very much an Ikea girl.”

“I’ve got that same beanbag, but in a different colour.”

I took a gulp of the Coke, still standing.

He was already sprawled on the couch, legs spread-eagled.

“Come and sit down,” he said, offering me the space between his legs. Instead of sitting, I went down on my knees. He was still hard.

After sex, we talked for an hour or two before fatigue overtook us. I closed my eyes first, feigning sleep. I heard him get out of bed. He pottered around in the bathroom. The toilet flushed. Running water in the basin. Heard him brushing his teeth. That night I dreamt I lived above a nightclub and that I invited everyone downstairs to come up for a party that ended up with an ex-schoolmate of mine crying because he didn’t get to pat the cat.

When we finally woke up, at four in the afternoon, I had a massive hard on and felt really horny. Instinctively, I climbed on top of him and started barebacking him. He moaned under me. When he tried to move, I pinned him down. I breathed heavily into his ear and bit his shoulder. I masturbated my cock in the trench of his ass. He moaned.

I bit his ear.

I asked him, “Do you want it?”

He kept on moaning.

I knew he wanted it at that precise moment.

I used my legs to force his legs apart. I humped faster and even penetrated slightly. The precum made it easier.

“Fuck me.”

“No.”

“Fuck me.”

“Beg me.”

“Fuck me.”

“No.” He was jerking his hips, rubbing his ass against me.

I pushed in and fucked him.

“Fuck me. Fuck me.”

The last time I saw Alvin was at a friend’s Christmas party last year. He had exchanged his glasses for contacts but still kept his goatee and was hanging out with a new circle of friends. His hair was cut shorter. He wore all black. He looked like he’d been hitting the gym. I said hi. He remembered me. He had the same lips. That same sexy smile. That sexy goatee. It took willpower to keep my hands to myself.

“What are you going to do now?”

“I’m going to go back to my place and try to calm my bf down.”

He sipped his coffee quietly. Neither of us touched the tacky-looking biscuits.

“Will you call me?”

“Yea. Maybe on Wednesday or Thursday.” I lied to him. He was cute and sweet and seemed so sincere. He deserved better than me.

“How about dinner on Thursday?”

“I don’t know. Hmm … I’ll call you up and tell you … when I know what I’m doing.”

I looked at him looking into his cup.

Back at my apartment, my bf was frying omelettes for breakfast. We had stayed up all night just talking, crying, fighting and then making up in bed, on the dining table, in the shower, on the loungeroom floor after we had fallen off the sofa, etc, etc. Getting back together was just as taxing as breaking up. We were exhausted.

My handphone beeped. It was the first of countless SMS messages from Alvin that I received intermittently over the course of a month. My boyfriend asked who it was.

“My sister. She asked if we’re still a couple.” Then I sidled up next to him, wearing nothing but apron and socks, and pecked him on the cheek. “Love you.”

He smiled.

I never replied any of Alvin’s messages.

“Are you still with your bf?”

“No, we broke up six months ago.”

“So you’re single now?”

“Yeah, single.” I took another sip of wine. Talking to Alvin again after almost a year made me feel giddy. “How about you?”

“No, I’m still single. I had a bf for two months but didn’t work out.”

Then one of his friends came over and introduced himself. “Hello, my name is Fook.”

“Hi. I’m Jay. Nice to meet you. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.”

Alvin excused himself while Fook tried to flirt with me. I watched Alvin as he walked over to the bar to fix himself a drink. Then I lost sight of him.

“So how do you know Alvin?”

“I met him in Backroom last year.”

“You go to Backroom? But I never see you there.”

“I don’t go anymore. Getting old.”

“Old? No-lah. You still look good.”

I smiled but tried my best to stay aloof. Fook was far too effeminate for my liking and it wouldn’t have been a nice thing to say ‘Fuck off, Fook’ at a friend’s party. I excused myself and said I needed to go to the washroom.

As I walked to the washroom behind the kitchen, the crowd around me blurred into the background. Their voices became underwater noises.

I’d never been in more of a need for Panadol as I was then, moving from the colourful reef of the party into the abyss. The further I walked down the narrow corridor from the kitchen to the washroom, the quieter and darker it became. So this was my life. No more colours. Just the dark. How sad.

That was when I heard the noises.

I touched the walls, using them as leverage.

Stealthily, I approached closer.

The noises were of people making out. They must have been so engrossed in one another not to hear me coming down the corridor. Or too drunk to have the sense to lock the door.

Naughty. Very naughty and careless.

Upon reaching the bathroom, I felt for the light switch and turned it on.

And there he was. Alvin. Sitting on the toilet.

The other guy, a total stranger, was standing, his hands on Alvin’s head. Alvin’s face was directly in line with the stranger’s unzipped crotch. Alvin’s trousers were tented. Alvin looked up and saw me.

“Jay.”

The other guy was the husband of the house owner. He zipped up and exited the bathroom as fast as he could. He looked so embarrassed.

For the longest time, although it was only really a few seconds, Alvin and I looked at one another. He was drunker than I thought. I didn’t know whether to leave or stay or say something. I thought I’d gotten over him.

“Alvin?”

“Yes?”

Notes for a sequel to “Alvin”

A year later. Alvin and Jay are a couple,

sharing an apartment in Mont Kiara.

After a few months of lousy sex, they

decide to have an open relationship.

Jay meets Gochi, 26yo hottie originally

from Singapore but working in KL

to be closer to his mature Japanese

expat boyfriend. Jay has sex with Gochi

and offers threesome with Alvin.

Alvin protests at first but after threesome,

confesses that he has fallen in love

with Gochi. Jay is devastated, thinks it’s

his fault, goes to Frangipani to get drunk.

While drunk, he meets 40yo Hansen

and 28yo Maria, a bisexual couple from

London. Jay has sex with Maria while

Hansen watches and masturbate. Later,

Hansen fucks Jay while Maria sucks

his cock. Jay is moaning as he is fucked,

thinking of Alvin.

Experience Language Anew with Jerome's A-B-Cs

2008-10-22T21:11:00.000-07:00

I've been working on these definitions since earlier this year when Pang Khee Teik asked me to be part of the Out Of Line exhibition. This was the original idea I had for my exhibit. (No, not the picture of sign language alphabets. Although there are lots of possibilities there...)

No, no, my idea was an A-B-C of words with definitions, like what you'd find in instructional introductory books about the alphabet for children (e.g. A = Apple, B = Batshit, etc). But instead of it being instructive or useful, my A-B-Cs would be accompanied by definitions inane, stupid, lame, useless, crass, unsophisticated, and perhaps even un-funny.

I didn't manage to include it in the Out Of Line exhibition, which is long gone by now. But I've recently finished and I may put it on some stupid T-shirt in the phuture but seeing that I'm perhaps too lazy to ever make the effort to distract myself with an endeavour of such overly overwrought magnitude, I've decided to just post it here, for the amusement of friends and whatnot.

Enjoy!

PS: Please don't be satisfied with these stupid definitions. Make up yer own!

:-)

* * * *

JEROME'S A-B-Cs OF NEW AND IMPROVED WORD DEFINITIONS

Aspic = What an ass would choose.
Britches = Rich bitches.
Crisp = Crip with lisp.
Duck = Dull fuck.
Exit = Ex-partner of unspecified gender.
Failure = Useless bait.
Grass = Great ass.
Highway = How things get done when stoned.
Irresponsible = Irritating people’s ability to respond.
Jewish = Jerome’s wish.
Knowledge = Expertise of ledges.
Lime = Lame mime.
Medium = Tedium arising from one’s self.
Naïve = Not a real native.
Odour = Overdose of dour.
Present = Absent ahead of time.
Quaint = When queers faint.
Rubber = Massaging the blubber.
Scurry = Scary curry.
Tortilla = Tortured gorilla.
Urban = Not a real turban.
Virgin = Gin cure for venereal viruses. (Doesn't work!).
Window = Successful widow.
Xanax = It’s a word?
Yo-yo = Some people just try too hard.
Zenith = Zen with pith.

Emergency Festival presents Disko Darurat!

2008-10-17T19:46:00.000-07:00

I think I'm one of the worst DJs in the world. But that hasn't stopped me from torturing my friends with my playlists. Ha ha ha... So God only knows why Mark Teh, who's one of the chief organisers of Five Arts Centre's Emergency Festival (currently happening at The Annexe Gallery) was thinking when he asked me to be a part of the festival as a DJ for two nights of Disko Darurat! LOL...

The first Disko Darurat happened on Thursday night 16 Oct, mostly attended by friends and Five Arts members. I tried playing songs that had a "revolution" theme to it, although somewhere about halfway through, I thought: Fuck it. And so it became a proper dance party. And then along th e way it morphed into something weird. People were breaking out into interpretetive dance, conga lines and throwing pillows in the air.

A blonde girl came up to me, while I was ruminating over the playlist, and asked in a Germanic accent: "I really like your set. Do you play anywhere else in KL? Like in a club or something?" I smiled and shook my head no, of course. I had no idea what I was doing...

See you at the second night of Disko Darurat on Saturday 25 October at The Annexe Gallery, starting 10pm. Admission Free.

FEEDBACK gig this Saturday 11 October

2008-10-08T08:17:00.000-07:00

Yep, barely a week after my triumphant Singapore gig during which I tortured the ears of unsuspecting Singaporeans with my strange yet impeccable tunes, I'll be playing an all-acoustic set at FEEDBACK Open Mic @ Cloth & Clef, Changkat Bukit Bintang. Thanks to Reza Salleh, the organiser of the series, for inviting yours truly to play!

FEEDBACK Open Mic

featuring Auburn, Joshua Foong & Jerome Kugan

Date: Saturday 11 October

Time: 9.30pm to 12.30pm

Venue: Cloth & Clef, 30 Changkat Bukit Bintang, KL

Admission: Free

I'll be performing alongside Auburn and Joshua Foong. I love Auburn's music, but haven't had the chance to hear Joshua's just yet. But knowing Reza's discerning tastes (ahem), I'm sure he will be a treat!

The gig is also a chance for any emerging talents to strut their stuff during the Open Mic section. To find out more about that, email Reza at moonshinekl@gmail.com

By the by, I will also be performing the following Saturday 18 October at Taylor's College. More info on that in the next post. Plus I'll be DJing two nights of Disko Darurat during the Emergency Festival at The Annexe Gallery. LOL... me a DJ? Ha ha ha ha....

Some photos I took on my handphone camera

2008-10-06T12:48:00.000-07:00

Just a little post of a small selection of photos I took on my handphone camera since I got it in September 2007 (that's one year ago!). I posted some of these up on Facebook previously. But here they are for readers who haven't got a Facebook account (or simply refuse to - LOL).

The real flyer for the Singapore gig

2008-09-29T07:33:00.000-07:00

Here's the real flyer for the Singapore gig. Revel!

JK Sings in Singapore!

2008-09-23T03:12:00.000-07:00

I don't perform much outside KL, unfortunately. It's because I'm a lazy bugger who's just too lazy to hunt around for gigs. Most of the gigs I appear in have been due to invitations from gig organisers who think I can draw a crowd. LOL. Oh how little they know...

Anyway... Willy from Aging Youth Records in Singapore invited me to perform at Esplanade Outdoor Theatre on Sunday 5 October. And I'm happy to say that it's confirmed. I bought my bus tickets today. Woo-hoo!

I'm not sure if I should be rejoicing yet, because they've asked me to perform a half electronic, half acoustic set. And that means I have to lug both the laptop and the guitar around the city... fuckery... if I were a labourer with too much testosterone to work off, perhaps I would enjoy it... but since I'm an "artist" who's prone to whingeing... LOL...

But I'm excited anyway, I even set aside some time to design the stupid pink flyer above... with the Merlion in pink from a photo I stole from some blog... LOL...

So if you guys and girls in Singapore and JB have nothing to do on that Sunday evening... why not swing by and catch yours truly for a 45-minute set of strange music. If you get bored of me, you can go away and come back later for Alaling & The Kaya Koks who are going onstage at 8.45pm. :-)

I have bus tickets but nowhere to stay just yet. Anyone who doesn't mind boarding a Malaysian singer songwriter... I can offer my body in return!

I also have gigs coming up in October at Taylor's College and Cloth & Clef. And at EcoFest @ ASWARA in November... More about that later...

JK at No Black Tie on Wednesday 10 Sep

2008-09-06T02:46:00.000-07:00

Yay! I got a gig... if you're interested in some post-buka puasa entertainment, catch Cassandra, Yuri Wong, Zalila Lee and myself at No Black Tie at 9pm on Wednesday 10 September. Admission is RM20. And you should call ahead to reserve a table for yourself and your mates! The gig is presented by Moonshine and No Black Tie. See you there!

City Of Mud mp3 uploaded to MySpace + Updates

2008-09-06T01:41:00.000-07:00

"CITY OF MUD"

I wrote a song called "City Of Mud" earlier this year, around January/February for a friend, Toni Kasim, who passed away of cancer in June. I wrote after I got an SMS from a friend about Toni's condition which had been worsening at the time. It was my tribute of sorts to her wonderful spirit and personality. I didn't get to play it to her in person, something that I always felt was a missed opportunity to show how much I appreciated her efforts as a human rights activist and as a fantastic human being.

But recently Chuah Siew Eng, a mutual friend and currently working at the Center of Independent Journalism, confirmed that Toni had seen the YouTube clip of the song that was uploaded sometime in April. Siew Eng also told me how much Toni liked the rough mix of the Songs For A Shadow CD that I gave to her for her birthday in January.

I guess it was a bit selfish of me in a way to want validation from someone I respected and loved. Especially since she was going through such a hard time. I would've loved to hear what she thought of it. But I guess I have to be content with the news that she made the effort to listen to the CD and watch the YouTube clip. Godspeed, Toni!

Anyway, I've been performing "City Of Mud" quite regularly during my gigs since. Because of Toni and also because I love performing it. The song itself is my ode to Kuala Lumpur, my home for the past eight years and where I've met so many wonderful people.

I recorded a demo of the song at home on my Zoom H2 around the time I wrote it. (I usually record my new songs so I can remember the vocal melody afterwords.) And for all the people who have heard the song and said that they like it, I've decided to upload it to my MySpace site. I've also enabled the mp3 download function for this song so everyone can download and listen to it in their own time.

:-)

****

PLAYING LIVE + NEW SONGS

To all the people who came to my gigs, thank you so much. I really enjoyed my set at Merdeka Cafe last Sunday. My setlist was eventually:

1. I Like
2. The Dreamer & The Tombstone - an old song of mine which I put new guitar chords to; recycled art!
3. The Miracle
4. You Will Be Mine - a new song that most people refer to as One Of These Days... LOL
5. City Of Mud
6. Jihad (Song Of Struggle) - a new song about God! Oooh...
7. Tomas

My set came at the tail end of two days of amazing performances by friends. I was blown away yet again by Sherry's set with percussionist Nizam. And it was nice to see Mei Chern (who has her debut mini-album out and it's good!) , Bernice Chauly, Zalila Lee, Peter Hassan & Markiza, Meor, Azmyl Yunor and others performing. At times I was a bit harried because I was also manning the sound system but the whole thing had a nice casual vibe. Reminded me of those old Troubadours gigs at La Bodega KL... sigh...

Anyway, I'm happy that most people enjoyed the new songs. I've been writing quite a few ever since I finished recording for the first album. So far I have about 25 new songs that I've written on the guitar. (About six on the computer, plus two more I'm working on right now.) Not all of them are great I have to admit. Some are quite morose because I went through a breakup with my boyfriend around the time. Writing the songs became quite cathartic.

I've begun putting together a demo for the second album. The working title for now is "City Of Mud" which I quite like and most probably retain. So far it's still rough. I'm listening to the demos quite a bit and figuring out possible arrangements and also thinking of who to ask to contribute. :-) Definitely I'm going to ask some of the local musicians whom I love... my dream is to have string arrangements. But putting together an orchestra wouldn't be the easiest (nor most affordable) thing in the world. Ah... might have to work an extra job... keep the independent spirit alive... durr... the Maggi eating days are not over yet... maybe I should approach Maggi for endorsement contract... "What does struggling independent singer songwriter JK have to say about Maggi?" "Chomp chomp... slurp slurp... Keeps the indie spirit alive lah!" Sad...

Anyway, I don't expect to record anytime soon. Maybe start late this year or early next year, depending on how ready I am to go into the studio again. Also depends on my savings... I want to go to visit some friends in Australia and jam with them... ah... sometime next year... money, money, money... just have to remind myself not everyone has it so lucky... at least I have a job... be thankful!

I'll be playing some more of my new songs alongside songs from the first album in some upcoming gigs. I think I might be playing next Wednesday at No Black Tie... awaiting confirmation for that. I hope some of you who might be reading this can come and tell me if they're any good. Sometimes I wonder.

Merdeka Cafe @ Art For Grabs

2008-08-25T06:39:00.000-07:00

I'll be performing. Woohoo! At Merdeka Cafe @ Art For Grabs, The Annexe Gallery this weekend. On 31st August, from 4.30pm to 5pm. I'll be performing six songs on the guitar, three from the album, three new.

Ze tentative tracklist. Subject to change.
1. I Like
2. The Dreamer & The Tombstone
3. The Magic Word
4. A Good Lover
5. You Will Be Mine
6. Tomas

There's lotsa other folks performing for Merdeka Cafe. Poets and singer songwriters, celebrating 51:45 in verse and song. All of them are wonderful.

Here's the flyer.

And here's the full performance schedule.

MERDEKA CAFE

Sat 30 to Sun 31 AugAnnexe Gallery 1,
2nd Floor, Central Market Annexe

Sat 30 Aug
1pm to 3pm: Gemerlapan, Izzy Mohamed, Priya Kulasagaran, Zalila Lee
3.30pm to 6pm: Sherry, Black, Azmyl Yunor, Alina Rastam, Meor

Sun 31 Aug
1pm to 3pm: Peter Hassan + Markiza, 13 Voices In My Head, Liyana Yusof + Alia Ali, Mei Chern
3.30pm to 5pm: Fathulistiwa Soundscapes, Bernice Chauly, Jerome Kugan
6pm to 7pm: Malaysian Artistes For Diversity featuring Ning Baizura, Ida Nerina and more!

Look for the Facebook entries for Art For Grabs and Merdeka Cafe! Plus don't forget to check Seksualiti Merdeka. Very important that one!

Tubed: Joni Mitchell, Nina Simone, Bjork and Jacques Brel

2008-08-02T12:03:00.000-07:00

YouTube is addictive definitely and more so when you can find performances like these on it. Wickedstein!

I fell in love with the song after I saw this live performance of Joni Mitchell performing "California".

Nina Simone performing "What You Gonna Do?" Back then, she was the Internet!

Bjork performing "Generous Palmstroke". She's so adorable.

There's another video of this song on YouTube featuring an older Jacques Brel that's just devastating but since the embedding for that was disabled, I'm posting this younger version of the Belgian-French singing legend instead. My ex introduced me to "Ne Me Quitte Pas". It's a beautiful song, yet so sad.

The Little Cat Song + Updates

2008-08-02T10:01:00.000-07:00

Hey ho! Sorry for not posting for the longest time. Since taking on the full-time job at The Annexe Gallery, I've been quite busy with stuff, managing and organising, writing press releases, and attending meetings that last longer than the events. But I wouldn't be working so hard if I didn't like it! :-)

Anyway, lotsa lotsa things have happened since the last post.

URBANSCAPES
Aside from those "sodomy charges" (which I have nothing to do with, I swear!), I performed a set of new songs at Urbanscapes on 28 June at KLPAC. I celebrated 33 on that day. I was really proud of myself for having pulled off the slot because I was so hung over from a drinking binge the night before.

KUGAN KNIGHT @ ACOUSTIC JAYA
San Jose singer songwriter David Knight and I got to perform at Acoustic Jaya @ Jaya One. It went down OK. I sang solo for 20 minutes, David took his solo turn, and then the both us collaborated on a mixed set of each other's songs, plus two covers including "Across The Universe". The organisers called the show Kugan Knight! LOL.

KL SING SONG 2008
And of course KL Sing Song 2008 which was nice (yet again!) but tired me out completely. (God I really have to update the Troubadours blog...).

plus I did a set of the same electronic songs I sang at the Junk Impulse event sometime back... (oh I have to post the Junk review about that one of these days...) at the soft launch of Cloth & Clef on 27 June.

Coming Up...

HEARTBREAK HEROES @ INDIGNATION, SINGAPORE
Saturday, 16 August, 3 pm, at 72-13
Private event. Register at http://www.plu.sg/indignation/?p=473

Me and my fellow Malaysian hotties Pang Khee Teik, Jaclyn Kee and Farish Noor are going down to Singapore to read our works. The reading is entitled Heartbreak Heroes: Four Malaysians on surviving love, loss and a hostel in Singapore. It's happening as part of IndigNation 2008, Singapore’s 4th Annual LGBT Pride Season. You have to register at the site to find out where it's happening because it's a private event, meaning there's soupy adult content.

Direction to venue: http://www.plu.sg/indignation/?p=408

Find out more about Indignation at http://www.plu.sg/indignation/

Did I hear you say, "Who the fuck are these people?" Presenting the Heartbreakers!

DR. FARISH A NOOR is Senior Fellow at the S. Rajaratnam School of International Studies, Nanyang Technological University; and Affiliated Professor at Universitas Muhamadiyah Surakarta (UMS), Surakarta. He will present the titillating academic study on “Our Very Own Bisexual Superhero: Rereading the Hikayat Panji Samarang.”

JEROME KUGAN is a writer and musician who recently released his electro-acoustic debut album “Songs For A Shadow”. JK also edits Poetika, his pet poetry journal, co-organises Wayang Kata, KL Sing Song, Troubadours, was sub-editor of KLue and Junk magazines, and now works as the media whore for The Annexe Gallery. He will read a short story called “Alvin”.

JAC SM KEE is a feminist writer, activist, poet and occasional painter. She has written column pieces for several Malaysian newspapers, and numerous articles for both online and offline journals. Jac has also self-published a collection of poetry. Jac will be reading “a bunch of words and sentences strung together to make a shape of loss”.

PANG KHEE TEIK is the Arts Programme Director of The Annexe Gallery. He was formerly the editor of the online arts magazine Kakiseni.com. As an arts practitioner, he has been involved in theatre, independent films, photography, graphic design, writing, editing, plus a spot of experimental dancing, not just on the podium. Pang is reading an autobiographical story about being bullied in a hostel in Singapore.

and

ARTS FOR GRAB + SEKSUALITI MERDEKA
On 30 and 31 August I'm co-organising Art For Grabs + Seksualiti Merdeka with Pang and Chung Wei at The Annexe Gallery! That's set to be a whole lot of fun! Look out for it on Facebook! The event page for it should be out by next week.

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As if you haven't already had enough to read...

The last post in the series of posts about songs from the album... Jeez, not another one!

The last song on the album, song # 11, is "The Little Cat Song". :-)

I wrote this song during one my trips back to my hometown KK, sometime in 2002 or 2003. Basically what happened was that I was trying out songs from a book of songs that my brother had, just learning the chord progressions of other songs that I knew how to sing but didn't know to play... like "Scarborough Fair" and "Bird On A Wire".

I don't like playing covers... but I don't mind adapting other people's chord progressions... heh heh heh... and writing new songs from them. That's basically how "The Little Cat Song" got written. The chords are... like any other song I write... terribly simple and straightforward. I guess it's probably my strange strumming that makes it sound different... LOL.

The song itself doesn't really have a deep meaning. It's a pretty simple song, almost childlike, about the narrator asking a cat that can see the future for some advice. Of course, the cat, being a cat, doesn't really reveal anything... the future doesn't matter, and so bla bla, just live for today, and be yourself ... bla bla bla, bla bl abl al alb alba la ba ba...

It's probably my friendliest song. Suitable for kids, even. Not overly poetic. Nothing too weird. Just a talking cat!

The only thing that stops it from becoming totally friendly is that it has no chorus... and it's way too wordy (another long-winded song... LOL). Which is why I don't really perform this song live often. Too many words to remember! I always fuck up the beginning of the second verse. But I'm going to try to include it in some of my future performances.

And the one thing that gives the song its little sprinkle of magic is the cat... of course...

Anyway, during recording, I sort of knew I wanted a cute little arrangement to go with the song. Hardesh tried a few things at first. But it became an overblown arrangement that we had to scrap. The music had to be light to match the cuteness of the lyrics goddarnit. LOL. So we tried it again, this time with a simple beat. And instead of strumming the song like I usually do, I plucked the chords, to give the arrangement a bit more space. After we found the right beat, it made the song a lot easier to do.

Hardesh came up with a very nice bridge section, guitar parts. And to end the song, I did this aaahhh outro. LOL. Corny but good. Ta-da! The end!

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The Little Cat Song

There once was a little cat who could see the future
And he lived just down my street
So I asked him one fine day
What my fortune had in store for me

Cause I only see a mirror’s reflection
Of everything moving further away
And all I can feel is a fleeting connection
Emotional threads as thin as my hair

Then he rested his paws on my hand
Saying, “Sweetie, I understand
The world gets crazy sometimes, just look at me
I mean, cats shouldn’t really speak

“I know you feel sad and at times you get angry
There’s never enough and always too much
Even when life has opened its doors
You just keep fussing ‘til you mess it all up

“And if I were a dog
Then maybe I’ll tell you something else
But I’m not about to sink that low

“Cause I’m just a little cat
Who’s seen too many wacky things
And some things no one should really know”

So with a twitch of whiskers
The little cat told me to go on home
“Don’t be scared, you’re only human
It happens to all creatures big and small

“Your path may be treacherous
With all sorts of animals
Whose viciousness may be fiction or fact
But there’s just no way to really be sure
You just have to wear an extra eye on your back

“And all I can say is that I hope you’ll be wise
To realise that you can be what you want
Cause self confidence is really sexy
No need for fortune, just be yourself”

Toni, I'll Miss You

2008-06-04T10:47:00.000-07:00

Toni Kasim, a dear friend (to many), passed away this morning of cancer complications. I attended the funeral. It was a warm, clear morning, surrounded by other mourners. Cried at the entrance of the mosque as pallbearers carried her remains past me out to the hearse. Watched as she was lowered into the ground and covered with orange earth. She was only 41.

It was a heartbreaking day. It still feels unreal.

I may not have known all aspects of her, for she was so many things to so many people. In the short five or so years that I've known her, she taught me how important it is to always fight and defend everyone's right to love, joy and happiness. And I will never forget this because it's impossible to forget Toni.

Article in The Sun

2008-05-15T20:24:00.001-07:00

An article on me came out in The Sun on Wednesday... if you missed it, like I almost did, here's the text of the article.

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theSun His | WEDNESDAY MAY 14 2008 p.5

Poetry in song

Jerome Kugan has fufilled his dream of becoming a singer, writes Kimberley Lau

DESPITE launching his first album Songs for A Shadow last month, Jerome Kugan does not really consider himself a musician.

"I wasn’t really a natural when it came to music. Two of my brothers – Abraham and Moses – had better singing. I sang out of tune and out of time,” laughed the 33-year-old.

At age 14 he took two months of organ lessons which he hated. He also claims that he can’t read music.

So what was Kugan thinking when he decided to be a musician?

“I’m not a musician in the strictest sense of the word be-cause I’m not a virtuoso. I can’t play complicated chords on the guitar. The music I make is tailored around the singularity of song ideas, so it’s quite simple. But simple doesn’t mean it has no complexity.

“I’m more of a writer who works with music. I started performing as a poet fi rst,” said the self-proclaimed nerd who used to be obsessed with reading encyclopedias when he was younger.

“Then I got bored and experimented with singing the words. And then along the way, I picked up the guitar and taught myself how to play it,” said Kugan. “But I did have silly dreams of becoming a singer,” he said.

Waist-deep in the music scene, Kugan is known for using a laptop as part of his band. He has won two Cameronian Arts Awards in 2005 for music he composed for the play Ops Ophelia, and is one-third of Troubadours Enterprise: a company that organises singer-songwiter gigs around Kuala Lumpur, including KL Sing Song.

Currently working as a sub-editor for two lifestyle magazines and writing freelance on the side, he still dabbles in poetry and is currently looking for funding to publish his poetry collection Imaginary Poems and his poetry journal Poetika. But words and songs is not all that he likes, as Kugan indulges in cooking once in a while when there’s company.

“I love cooking. I like making pasta dishes, salads dips. But I only do that when there’s a dinner party happening,” he said. Making food for his guests however is a serious affair, with his kitchen and vegetables being off limits to everyone but himself. “I like to know where things are and cut things a certain way. When other people, whom you know have never been in the kitchen, try to be polite and help out, I usually tell them to just sit down.

“It’s better that they just sit down, relax and have a drink or something … that way I don’t have to worry about them cutting the vegetables in a funny shape,” said Kugan, laughing.

On “ordinary days”, he makes simple food so that he does not have to do dishes. “I just make myself simple tuna and pesto sandwiches … you know when you cook alone you don’t want to deal with washing up.”

Sidebar:

Kugan on Songs For A Shadow

“WITH this album, I wanted to merge two genres that I love: folk and electronic music,” he explained.“I must admit it’s an unusual mix. For folkies, technology is a big no-no while electronic musicians sometimes feel folk music is a bit too quaint. But I think the two genres really augment each other. “To put them side by side, the human touch of folk music and the machinistic texture of electronic music, for me is like a metaphor for bringing the two different worlds together.”

Lyrics for the 11-track album were written over a span of seven years and based on various experiences.“It’s quite an intro-spective album; a bit emo, a bit poetic, a bit vague, a bit direct.“I’m not sure if it’s an album that’s best enjoyed in big groups of people,” Kugan confessed.

For updates, you can go to jeromekugan.blogspot.com