28 September 2010
The Search for, or more accurately, the Imposition of Meaning, upon Life... and other news
It's almost four in the morning and just got off the phone talking with an acquaintance who's having some problems in her life. Problems... we all have problems... sometimes I think that no matter how optimistic and positive we try to be, problems/obstacles/issues/dilemmas/crap just deluge upon us like a big Judy Garland numbers. We try, we try. Mustn't give up though. Life has many a tricky ways of distracting us from reaching our goals and distancing us from our ideals and principles. Everyday I keep on wondering where I'm supposed to get my next supply of patience and willpower from. What a quandary, hey? Well, if what they say about quantum physics is true and that we're all connected on some subatomic level, then the sun and the moon and the stars will be my guide. Nature, y'know, in all its stinking glorious catastrophe (as Slavoj Zizek said it in Examined Life -- God how I love the way pretentious thinkers state the way things are -- the search for meaning, or more accurately the imposition of meaning upon life, continues).

In other news... lol... I have decided to change my SoundCloud site name from chrysostom to my boring old name... so as to stop confusing people. Thus it is now http://www.soundcloud.com/jeromekugan

Covers by jeromekugan

Just for trivia's sake, the most played cover is "Love Song" by The Cure and the most played original is "Someone (for Qasim)". Thank God there are other emo people out there. If not, I would've been out of business a looooong time ago.

Anyways... I noticed that I've slowed down with the songwriting in the past 3 months -- there was a time I thought I'd be churning out the songs non-stop until 2012. But I think the foam of inspiration that buoyed me in the past 2 years has sort of melted and now I'm just sitting on the floor contemplating it all. Had a couple of interesting life experiences. Two relationships that went nowhere but taught me a lot about how expectations can change people's behaviour so fast, myself included. Also means... that I must move on to the next part of the musical process... record the fucken second album. Frankly... I don't know what it would be for except for self-gratification. Eh... maybe it'd be fun too... it's been a while since I've done some musical arranging. Always a lot of fun tinkling around with sounds.

In case anyone was wondering... I have been very busy with work at the gallery.

I've also been busy with other things -- performed a few small gigs... some of them a bit annoying, mostly because I haven't had ample time and headspace to practise fully some of the new songs I've been trying out onstage, and also because of noisy crowds. It does annoy me... especially when the new songs are kinda quiet and wordy... (Jeez, aren't I pretentious?). Whatever it is, I hate performing in bars. Bar crowds are like hell for musicians. I really can't give two flying pigs' arses about bar patrons anymore. I'd rather perform in a morgue, although I did come close -- my dearest dearest friend Benjamin McKay passed away and I was asked to sing at his funeral -- I sang Ben an acapella version of "Everytime We Say Goodbye", one of my favourite Cole Porter songs. I hope you liked it Ben. Miss you.

I also acted for the first time. KLPAC's transgender production of "Waiting For Godot" (actually on the day of Ben's death I started rehearsal). Directed by Kimmy Kiew, featuring Yuki Choe, Fairuz Tauhid and myself. It was a small production and I enjoyed doing something aside from singing onstage. I wore a blue dress (the things I do for art). Aside from some sweet compliments, I have to say I feel like I'm officially a whore now -- I can just imagine people saying: "That midget -- he thinks he can do anything..." which is not at all true... I can't swim... and I'm totally hopeless with hula hoop-ing. Lol. I am an angel of sweet menace.

In two weeks time I'll be producing/directing my second Rainbow Massacre concert, as part of our third year of doing Seksualiti Merdeka. I'm very excited about it. Also trepidated. Fingers crossed everything will go according to plan! :-D
Hmm... I guess that's about it really.

I wrote a few poems. Some were lost when my hard drive died on me a couple of weeks ago. But three I managed to put up on my Facebook notes before the inevitable happened. "The City Is Crying (for Ben)", "The New Palace" and "Silent Storm" are on my Imaginary Poem blog.