I've been working on these definitions since earlier this year when Pang Khee Teik asked me to be part of the Out Of Line exhibition. This was the original idea I had for my exhibit. (No, not the picture of sign language alphabets. Although there are lots of possibilities there...)
No, no, my idea was an A-B-C of words with definitions, like what you'd find in instructional introductory books about the alphabet for children (e.g. A = Apple, B = Batshit, etc). But instead of it being instructive or useful, my A-B-Cs would be accompanied by definitions inane, stupid, lame, useless, crass, unsophisticated, and perhaps even un-funny.
I didn't manage to include it in the Out Of Line exhibition, which is long gone by now. But I've recently finished and I may put it on some stupid T-shirt in the phuture but seeing that I'm perhaps too lazy to ever make the effort to distract myself with an endeavour of such overly overwrought magnitude, I've decided to just post it here, for the amusement of friends and whatnot.
PS: Please don't be satisfied with these stupid definitions. Make up yer own!
* * * *JEROME'S A-B-Cs OF NEW AND IMPROVED WORD DEFINITIONSAspic
= What an ass would choose.Britches
= Rich bitches.Crisp
= Crip with lisp.Duck
= Dull fuck.Exit
= Ex-partner of unspecified gender.Failure
= Useless bait.Grass
= Great ass.Highway
= How things get done when stoned.Irresponsible
= Irritating people’s ability to respond.Jewish
= Jerome’s wish.Knowledge
= Expertise of ledges.Lime
= Lame mime.Medium
= Tedium arising from one’s self.Naïve
= Not a real native.Odour
= Overdose of dour.Present
= Absent ahead of time.Quaint
= When queers faint.Rubber
= Massaging the blubber.Scurry
= Scary curry.Tortilla
= Tortured gorilla.Urban
= Not a real turban.Virgin
= Gin cure for venereal viruses. (Doesn't work!).Window
= Successful widow.Xanax
= It’s a word?Yo-yo
= Some people just try too hard.Zenith
= Zen with pith.